


Strange Love

by thisismyguiltypleasureokay



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-15
Updated: 2013-08-18
Packaged: 2017-12-23 14:00:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 27,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/927322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisismyguiltypleasureokay/pseuds/thisismyguiltypleasureokay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren has trouble in his love life. He's dating a beautiful girl, but she's acting weird. He's not sure whether she likes him or not or even if he's in love with her. It all escalates, when the weird friend of Jeans, Levi, challenges Erens sexuality. Is he gay and why is Levi so interested in that?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic, so I hope you'll be nice when you criticize it :3

“So how are things with Sasha?” Armin smirked as he looked up to me, from his position on the floor. It was a Sunday night and both Armin and I needed to go to school tomorrow. We were watching a rerun of some shitty reality show, which neither of us really was interested in. “You get any action yet?” He continued as he giggled a little, knowing very well I didn’t get any.

I was draped on the couch, and  frowned a little at the last comment. “You know I don’t get any actions, jerk. You don’t have to be an ass about it, you’re a virgin too. Remember?” I looked down on Armin, who at least seemed a little sorry.  Armin had been my best friend for years, since we first met in kindergarten.

After some silence I growled “She told me she won’t have sex with me.”

Sasha was the girl I have been seeing for some months now.  
We went to the same high school. We had met in the one class we had had together last year, which was English.  
I hated that subject, but it was mandatory so I showed up. I even hated it a little less when I started talking to Sasha.   
At the time we were just friends, but this year we had gotten more classes together and we had begun to talk even more. She had kissed me first. I had been over at her house to do some homework when she kissed me. It was my first kiss and I had been high on that for days.

Armin sat up from his laying position and exclaimed “whoa really?”

“Yeah really. I don’t know man. I think she’s still into that senior she dated last year. You remember him? I can’t remember his name. He’s high, blonde, and strong. I know they did it, she told me. He was great… apparently” I’d imagine that a sad look crossed my face as I said that.

“They broke up because he wanted to get into the army.”

My mind wandered off to the first time I had seen the guy, Sasha had hung out with him in one of the breaks between classes. I remember that I had thought that he was pretty handsome for a guy.  
I found myself thinking that of guys more often than I would admit to anyone. Not in a homosexual way, just in a curious way. At least that’s what I kept telling myself.

I sat up and leaned against the couch, just as Armin said “Mhm, I think I remember him.”

“You know what the worst part is? Besides the fact that she already had sex with the military guy.” I didn’t even wait for Armin to answer before I angrily continued “She says she won’t do anything with me, but then she kisses me like I’m a fucking porn star. Gets me rock hard and then walks away. I don’t know what to do to be honest. What!?” I shot Armin an annoyed look.

 “I’m sorry, continue” Armin hadn’t gotten his face under control and that annoyed me more than anything at the moment.

“Fine Armin, if you won’t be serious I won’t tell.”

“I’m sorry, Eren, but I wasn’t prepared to hear you say something like that. You never liked talking about that stuff.” Armin looked a little hurt and I knew I was being unfair. I always was when I was vulnerable.  
Armin and I had often talked about all the sex and blowjobs we would get from girls, but we never talked about the other stuff that comes with a relationship.

“I’m sorry. I’m just on the edge right now. I’m not sure what to do about Sasha.”

I looked down on my hands for a moment and started talking again “You know, she always dresses differently too. Whenever I’m at her place she’s… Well different in the clothe she wears. For example here the other day, we were hanging at her house and she’s wearing these short shorts, a tank top and no bra. I know because I could see her nipples, through the fabric, more than when she wears one. The first thing she did when I came in, was shoving her boobs in my face and she will always drop stuff and make me look when she bends over and I swear to God Armin, that ass.”

After a brief pause I muttered “Gosh it’s so annoying” I hid my head between my hands, both out of frustration and embarrassment for having told Armin that. We might be best friends, but we were still guys.  
Armin was right he didn’t like talking about feelings.

I heard a low snicker from the door. It was Mikasa, my sister. Even though we technically weren’t related by blood, we still considered each other to be true siblings.  
She was standing just inside the door of the living room. One hand over her mouth, trying to muffle her laugh, the other on her hip, which shot slightly to the side.

“How long have you been there?” I asked in horror. One thing was talking about it with my best friend. Another was having my sister overhearing it. We could talk about everything, but I didn’t like her overhearing private conversations, even though I might be having the exact same conversation with her later.  
She was in the same year as Arming and me, but we didn’t have any classes together.

“Since you said you were a porn star”

“I didn’t say that!”

“If you want sex that bad I can get a prostitute for you” She paused for under a second before she, with a grin said “or if that’s not what you want I can get my friend Annie to call you and moan for you while you masturbate” She was smiling. Making fun of me, because that’s what sisters do.

It made me feel better, that was the reasons she would tease me at all.

“Shut up Mikasa” I threw one of the couch pillows at her and smiled “Besides I don’t need your friend to moan for me. Not when I every night can hear you and Jean having sex”  
It wasn’t even a lie I thought as I jumped of the couch to dodge the incoming fist.

Mikasa caught me before I got too far. She pinned me to the ground. “Don’t be a dick” she scoffed “You’re just jealous, cause I’m getting laid and you’re not” She laughed as we fought on.

During our fight Armin went and ordered Pizza, he was used to our behavior by now. In the start when I had befriended Armin and he later on had befriended Mikasa, it had terrified him. Now he just left the room and came back when we were done. 

After the fight we settled down, waited for the pizza and watched the rest of the reality show. I smiled. I loved how Mikasa and Armin always made me feel better. Even though I still was concerned over Sasha.

 


	2. Chapter 2

We drove in Mikasas dark blue Toyota Corolla to pick up Armin, at his house. That was our morning ritual, which both Armin and I appreciated. Neither of us could afford a car: Mikasa could because she had inherited a lot of money.  
I don’t know if the money was from her parents, who were killed the some months before she came to live with us, or it was compensation from a lawyer. I had no idea, nor did I have the guts to ask her.  

Armin lived with his grandfather. His parents went on a trip to Europe some years after Armin and I met. They disappeared and no one knows what happened, but they are believed to be death.   
Armin wasn’t that old when it happened, but Eren remember how strange Armin had been at that time. It took some time for him to recover, but he did and he never really talks about it anymore. He’s just happy he still got his grandfather.

We drove into the schools parking lot; it was early so it wasn’t full yet. We managed to get a spot almost at the doorstep. It was Friday before Christmas, so everybody at the school was excited.   
Most were going out partying later on. Me, Mikasa and Armin were going clubbing at one of the local clubs. A lot from the school would be there.

We split up to go to our separate classes. My first class of the day was English. I sighed, I really hated that.

Every year, before the Holidays, the teachers would gather all students in the auditorium and perform some half assed play, making fun of the students. It could be fun sometimes, but for most it was just lame.

There was always a pause between the last class and the gathering. In that pause I sat on one of the indoor benches with a guy from my math class called Connie, Armin, Mikasa and Mikasas boyfriend Jean.   
Jean and Mikasa started dating in the last week of her freshman year. He was a year older, so he is a senior now. They’d been together for so long that most people in school saw them as a unit.   
Jean and I had hated each other in the start. Of course I would, he was doing my sister, but over time we learned to accept each other as a part of Mikasas life. I would even go so far that we have developed a little friendship.

“What do you think the teacher will do this year?” Jean asked not really interested in an answer. He just asked to keep the conversation going.

While Connie started to give a theory about the teachers play, Sasha came over to us.

Before she sat down, she bent over and pressed her lips against mine. Her lips were soft. She opened her mouth a little, allowing my tongue to meet hers. We broke apart when Armin said “Get a room”. I used to smile like an idiot every time she kissed me, but this time I didn’t feel it. I was still upset about the fact that she didn’t want to take it any further, despite months of dating. She didn’t notice that I didn’t smile.

Before we started dating, Sasha was a class clown. I’m not sure if she was on purpose, but she would always act silly. I don’t know if her change of personality was due to the breakup with the blonde guy. It probably was. She could still be that girl sometimes, but she had gotten a more serious attitude, which often was accompanied with sexy and dirty walks and talk, like she didn’t give a fuck about anything. 

She sat down and took a gigantic lunch up of her bag. In the start I was so shocked by how much she ate. She’s so skinny, but she eats like a grown man.

The others restarted their conversation about the teachers again, but I didn’t feel like joining in. My mind was back on the girl who was my girlfriend, but wasn’t really my girlfriend.

She ate fast and when she was done she said “Eren, I’ll be going now. I’m meeting some of the girls before the play, see you tonight” she kissed him again and went. It was strange how ordinary her kisses seemed now. Like they were nothing anymore.

“That girl has a serious issue with food” Jean laughed

“I don’t get why she’s so skinny” Armin supplied

“Sometimes you would think she would marry food” Connie contributed and they all laughed, except me. I didn’t think it was funny, but I still think it was true.

“Have you ever eaten cucumber at her house, Eren?” Mikasa suddenly asked.

The look of utter confusion I sent her, made her burst into laughter.

“What? I don’t know. If I have I don’t remember? What Mikasa”

She didn’t answer and just kept laughing. I looked at the other boys, which to my reliefs looked as confused as I felt. “What the fuck Mikasa, don’t be a bitch. What?”

“Okay, okay okay. I’ll tell you” She wiped some tears away from the corner of her eye. “It’s something Annie told me about.” She laughed again “Sasha once told her that she” She couldn’t hold it and laughed again “she once used a cucumber to you know” She made eyes, which told me that I had to know what she was trying to say, but I didn’t so I just looked puzzled. “Argh Eren, do I have to cut it into pieces for you? She masturbated with it. She put it up her pussy” She laughed, this time the others laughed too.

My first reaction was to say “But girls don’t masturbate” which resulted in an eye roll from Mikasa and more laughter from Jean. I’m pretty sure neither Armin nor Connie had thought that girls masturbated. Masturbation was a guy thing. 

My second reaction was to sneer and make a mental note to never eat anything penis shaped at Sashas house again. Just to be sure.

“So are you guys going out tonight? Midnight Roses or Blue Steel?” Connie asked when the laughter stopped

I rolled my eyes. I couldn’t help it, the names for the only two clubs in this town was so ridiculous. Midnight Roses was a place you went if you wanted a fun, but quiet night. Blue Steel was more intense, people went crazier there. Where you would go would depend on what mood you were in.

Mikasa was the one to answer, she even worded my thoughts “We might be a bit everywhere, depends on how we feel” She smiled at Connie “Where do you plan on being, if you’re going?”

“Not sure yet, might be going with Annie and Marco.” Connie suddenly looked uncomfortable, he looked at me as though he wanted to say something but couldn’t so I asked “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Ehrm, it’s just that. Ehrm” He really didn’t like this situation ”Is Sasha going to be there tonight?”

“Yeah why?” I found this really weird                               

“You know how I had to take my senior year over again?” I nodded “Well I’m still friends with some of the guys who graduated last year. Uhm and some of them are going to come home tonight and uh they’re going to party with the rest of the school tonight.”

“So?” I still didn’t follow and Connie still seemed nervous

“Reiner is going to be there.” He looked relieved to finally have said what he wanted to say.

“Who?” I had no idea, who that guy was. The nervous look on his face was back as he said “Sasha’s ex. The guy she broke up with like a little over a week before she started dating you”

I was shocked. Sasha had said they had broken up just after graduation. If what Connie said was true, they first broke up a month into the new school year.  
Instead of saying that out loud I said “Doesn’t matter, she’s with me now” I gave him the most confident smile I could muster.

As we drove home my mood was hitting a low point. Armin, Mikasa and I had agreed on meeting at our house , get ready, eat and drink some before we went out. Mine and Mikasas parents were never home anyway. This weekend it was a conference in another city. Our dad was a doctor of high rank, my mother always traveled with him. I’m not sure why.

I didn’t feel like partying tonight, but I had promised Armin that I would keep him company so I put on a face.

It became more fun as the night progressed. We’d already been drinking a lot and I felt a warm fuzzy happiness in me. I’m not even sure why I was so angry before.

We walked down to the club, it wasn’t that far away, which was lucky, because neither of us could drive. Armin and I had taken on nice shirts, Armin a blue one and I had taken on a white one. Mikasa had tried to do our hair, but failed. My hair was to wild to be tamed and Armins hair was too long to do anything besides hanging. But he looked good like that.

Mikasa was wearing a black dress, which would make Jean squirm just by the look of her.

We went to Midnight Roses first. The music that was played was some pop song. It wasn’t high enough to be annoying. We sat down and while we waited for our beers, Jean came over.  He kissed Mikasa for a long time. I looked at them and saw Jeans Jaw line and I couldn’t help but think how sexy it was. _Whoa whoa whoa Eren, what are you thinking. He is a man, even Mikasas boyfriend._ It’s just because I’m drunk I thought.

“Hey. Do you mind if my friends come over?” He released himself from the kiss and asked Armin and I if it was okay. I just nodded, I didn’t feel like speaking or looking at him after thinking that.

His friends came over and we greeted each other. I don’t really remember them, except for one of them.

“This is Levi” Jean said as he pointed to shortest guy in the group “ I don’t know why he’s actually here though.” Jean laughed

The guy, Levi, looked me directly in the eye as I offered my hand as a hello. His handshake was firm. I looked down on our hands and noticed how manly his were. I looked back into his eyes, which seemed to have a storm in them. It was intense and I couldn’t look away.

He didn’t look away either, but pulled me closer and whispered into my ear “You know that constant eye contact for more than six seconds either reveals a desire for sex or murder” He laughed softly as he pulled away, blinked to me and sat down on the other site of the table.

I looked around to see if any of the others had heard what he said. It didn’t look like it, I was happy they hadn’t, because I was sure I was blushing.  

As I was considering what Levi had said to me Armin leaned closer and said” You see that girl over there?” I Nodded, I saw her.

“She has nice tits. I’d like to do her” He giggled nervously. I have always wondered if he was secretly gay, but he never told me, so I’ve stopped wondering. But I was still surprised that he would do the girl.  
I rose from my seat so he could get out and said “Go talk to her. Tell me if you get any” I blinked at him and played the best wingman I could.

I was still sitting at our table. Mikasa and Jean had disappeared onto the dance floor  and I had no idea where Armin went. Sasha had stopped by to say hi, giving me one of those crazy kisses I didn’t really feel for anymore. When she walked away Levi had lifted an eyebrow. I ignored him.

I walked out to find someone I knew. I was bored. The bar had two levels, one on ground level and one in the basement. I went down there to see if there was anyone I knew and there she was. My girlfriend and she weren’t alone. She was pressed against the wall by some tall, muscular dude with blonde hair. They were kissing, like we never had. He had his hands in her pants and I felt disgusted and betrayed. She sighed and moaned, obviously enjoying what he did to her. Then she opened her eyes and saw me.

“Eren!” she shouted in surprise. The guy turned around to see who she was talking to. It was the ex. The guy she had lied about, the guy she hadn’t broken up with at the time she told me they had.

I got angry all at once, because I now understood what I’ve been used for. I now understood why she hadn’t told me the truth of the breakup. Why she didn’t want to go any further. She was still not over Reiner, she never had. She had used me to feel confident after feeling rejected, she used me to feel needed after Reiner. She used me to make him jealous.

“Fuck you Sasha. You fucking used me. You said you wouldn’t go any further with me!! And then you jump right into the pants of you ex by the first sight of him. You’re so low Sasha. Hope he fucks you so hard you can’t walk” I left, I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t care if she felt sorry or even if she might love me a little. I didn’t even care if I might not have been in love with Sasha like I thought, but that doesn’t mean she could use me.

On the way up I met Mikasa and Jean, they were on the way down. Mikasa always knew when something was wrong so she stopped me and asked what happened. I told them that Sasha was with Reiner down there and then I left. 

I went to Blue Steel. I bought 10 shots of some gross liquorice that almost made me puke. The next couple of hours were blurry, I’m not sure what I did and what happened. The next thing I remember is that I’m sitting alone outside the club of Blue Steel and drinking a beer.

Someone suddenly stands in front of me. I look up and see that it’s Levi.

“So you’ve come to murder me or fuck me?” I smiles at him, challenging him to try any of them, which he chose I really didn’t care about at the moment.

He just laughs and sits beside me.

“Saw you kissing with that brunette. Is that your girlfriend?” He chuckled a little

 My eyes shot daggers in his direction, he didn’t see it so I just said “Not anymore”

“So you finally realized”

“What?” I frowned

“Kid, I have the best gaydar in this city.” He smiled at me, like he knew something I didn’t.

“I’m not a kid. I’m 17 and I’m not gay if that’s what you’re implying” That was what I said. But what I thought was that I might be. There have been moments where I have found myself looking at guys, more now than ever. But I wasn’t going to tell him that. Besides it’s mostly alcohol thinking.

“It was. What happened then?” He sounded genuinely interested

“You really wanna know?” I asked hesitatingly. Not sure why he asked

“Yeah” He looked me in the eyes and again I felt like I was being dragged into an ocean of feelings. I didn’t know what it meant, but it made him more real.

“She cheated on me with her ex” I looked at him, challenging him to mock me for it, almost expecting him to do so. But he didn’t he looked at me and said “What a bitch.”

No more was said, we sat in silence until Armin and Mikasa showed up and said we should head home. Armin had a grin on his face that I would have to ask him about later, but not now. I was too drunk, tired and depressed.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up with the worst hangover, I’ve yet had had to experience. I thought about last night and remembered what had happen. I was surprised over the fact that I wasn’t as angry as I had seemed last night. Some part of me was actually relieved; I didn’t really want to be with Sasha.  
I just wanted someone to want me. But she didn’t even do that. Guess we’re both mistaken here. I was still mad at her and still planned on not speaking to her.

I got up and made some coffee, Armin and Mikasa wasn’t up yet, but I still made some for those too and it didn’t take long before Armin was there.

“Ohh man my head hurts so bad” he exclaimed as he dragged himself in to the kitchen. His eyes widened as he saw the cup “Thank you so much Eren. You wanna go get some nasty breakfast when Mikasa gets up?”

“What kind of nasty” I asked knowing it would be some kind of fast food, which is exactly what my head was craving.

“Pizza, French fries, burger. Anything deep fried, with lots of salt too.” he smiled at me as Mikasa walked in.

“Oh man, I’d love some of that.” She looked worse than Armin.

“Hey, how are you feeling today?” She eyed me with concern

“Besides my head, I’m actually doing well. I’m still a little upset, but I would be lying if I hadn’t thought of ending it. It wasn’t the way I expected things to end so I still hurt a little” A tried to give her a half smile and she understood that I didn’t want to talk more about it. I was still confused about what that guy Levi had said. He thought I was gay. Mikasa understood I needed time to think about stuff, even though it might not be about what she thought.

“Would you guys mind bringing it home? My head is killing me and I think I’m going to puke if I get into a car” She sure looked like it.

 As Armin and I got into the car I remembered that he had had a weird smirk on his face when we had gotten home. Something had happened and I needed to know.

“So Armin, what happened last night?” I quickly looked through the corner of my eyes and saw him both smiling and blushing. He was Armin after all, his smirk face yesterday was caused by the effect of alcohol.

“You know that girl I showed you” I nodded “Well, her name is Christa. She goes to another school, that’s why we haven’t seen her before. We talked and danced and drank and” He looked proud and blushed even more before continuing “She gave me handjob”

I’d expected something like that, but it was still weird to hear it. I always thought I would be the first of Armin and me. “Congrats man. How did it feel?”

“It was amazing Eren, she did everything omg!” He talked about his first handjob for the rest of the ride, he stopped when we came home to Mikasa and we all talked  about other things that went down that night. It was crazy, Jean had apparently been into a fight, because some dude groped Mikasas ass. 

During the next days, it began to snow. So while I was out looking for Christmas presents I decided to get a hot chocolate at one of the Coffee shops.

There weren’t any seats left. So I ended up standing awkwardly besides the counter trying to drink. That’s when I saw the guy from the other night. Levi. He was sitting alone at one of the far away tables. He looked angry, no that’s not it. He looked thoughtful like he had a lot on his mind. His hair was cut in a style I’d never seen anyone else have.  
The hair was a little longer at the top than it was in the bottom. Actually, the bottom was all trimmed. It made him look a lot more hostile, which somehow suited him.

I decided to go for the spot opposite him. I didn’t say hi or anything I just sat down in front of him.

He looked at me like he didn’t know who I was, but after a few moments he nodded.   
“What do you want?” It’s wasn’t impolite, but it wasn’t friendly either.

“I don’t know.” I looked out of the window and when I looked back he was staring at me. He didn’t say anything and I felt that I was supposed to do so, so I asked him “You waiting for someone?”

 “mhm, a friend” he didn’t say more and he didn’t say less.

I started to regret that I had decided on staying instead of leaving.

“You want to know why I thought you were gay? Is that what you want?”  I didn’t look at him, but I nodded. Before he could say anything someone stood next to the table.

“Oi, Levi who’s that?”  It was a girl, she had brown hair, which was sat in a ponytail. She was taller than Levi, but then again Levi was really short. Levi didn’t explain to her who I was, nor who she was. Was it his girlfriend?

“I’m Hanji, I’m that shitheads best friend. But he never seem to appreciate it” She exaggerated a traumatic look, before laughing and offer me her hand as hello.

“Eren” was the only thing I said, a little taken aback of her oncoming personality.

“Come on Hanji, we need to be somewhere” He got up from his seat and was about to leave when he turned around and bend down so we were in eye height. I felt embarrassed for a moment, when I realized I liked that he was this close.

“If you still want to know, stop by Blue Steel, later. I’m working there as a substitute for tonight” He left without saying no more.

“Bye Eren” Hanji Yelled, from the other site of the room. The yell was accompanied with a violent wave.

I sat in the coffee shop for another ten minutes, not sure on my legs. I cringed as I thought of my reaction at being so close to Levi. What is wrong with me? He’s the one doing it to me, it’s because he want me to be gay I thought, because I wasn’t gay.

At home I was restless all day. Mom and dad had come home from the conference, but they would only be a few days, then leave to come home the day before Christmas. They didn’t even notice that I was so nervous. Why was I even nervous?

At nine I went to Mikasas room. “Uhm, Can I get a ride later?” She looked up from the book she was reading “Whereto?”

“To Blue Steel, I’m meeting someone there.” I was still nervous

“Fine, I’ll be driving to Jean’s later I’ll take you, but you need to get home by yourself”

I nodded and thanked her.

At ten she called “It’s now Eren!”

She dropped me off and I just stood there for a few minutes before entering.

I went up to the bar and saw that Levi hadn’t lied, he was mixing drinks. He nodded at me when he saw me. He was wearing an ordinary black T-shirt and jeans. Nothing exceptional, but I thought he looked good. In a not homosexual, but curious way, which might be a little homosexual anyway, I thought and felt a little depressed.  
I ordered a drink and waited two hours until he finally came to the other side of the bar. “I’m done, let’s go.”

We walked to the parking lot opposite the bar. He just leaned against his car and just stood there watching me, studying me. I didn’t know how to work into the subject of him thinking I was gay, so instead I asked “How old are you?”

He looked distant “23… I’m 23.” I didn’t know what I had expected, he looked a lot older than me.

“So” he said, changing his position “ You want to know why I think you’re gay” Hearing him saying the word gay made me blush. I hoped it was too dark to see, but Levi gave me a little smirk and gestured towards the car. I placed myself beside him.

“I just know. Intuition” He smiled in a way that made it seem like he enjoyed playing with me. I’m sure that I was turning more and more red, both of embarrassment and anger.

I turned around and started to walk away, when Levi suddenly grabbed my arm, just above the elbow, pulled me back. He slammed me into the car and my heart suddenly pounded with adrenaline. It was weird, he was so much smaller than me, but he was strong and I felt I was trapped, but in a good way. If being trapped ever was good.

I little part of me was scared, but another part of me was anticipating. I wanted to know what happened next.

Levi stood so close that I could feel his breath on my skin. It felt right having him so close. He placed his hand on my chin, right under my ear; both his body and his face moved a little closer, so the space between us was as good as nonexistent. I felt all blood leave my face and travel right to my dick.

Now I was scared, I didn’t want him to know that he gave me a boner. I looked up, from the spot on his shoulder, and looked him right in the eyes. I didn’t want him to know what went through my mind, so I just silently stood there accepting his challenge hoping he didn’t feel how much I’ve already lost.   
He gave me one more of his I-know-better-smiles and uttered under his breath “If you’re not gay, tell me why you’re getting hard”  

“I’m. I’m not gay!” I hissed, but my body betrayed me as he got closer to me. I couldn’t help it, he smelled so good and I gave out a little sigh of pleasure. He lifted both his eyebrows as too mock me some more.  
I wasn’t sure if this was a bluff or not, if he did this because he wanted me. I didn’t even know if he was gay. I decided that he was bluffing, taunting me, so I decided to see how far he would go. I did the only thing I could think of. I leaned forward and took his head between my hands and kissed him as violently as I could.

He kissed me back, which surprised me as I thought he had been bluffing. It wasn’t as any kiss I’ve ever had before. With Sasha it had been good, it had been dirty, but it lacked something.

Levi pressed me closer into the car. He parted my lips and let his tongue find mine. We kissed with a passion I’ve never thought possible. When we stopped I was out of breath and I just looked at him and stated “I’m gay”   

“Yeah, you are. Congratulations on realizing that.“  He was back to his gloomy, sarcastic self. It seemed he only smiled when he was either mocking someone or knew he was right.

 It annoyed me a little so like a brat I said “what’s your deal anyway?”

He gave me a stern look, which told me he wasn’t in the mood for some kind of immature game. I stared him down, at least I had the advantage of being taller than him.

“I don’t have a deal. I just saw you, realized you were gay and tried to help you see that too.”

I frowned “What’s in it for you, besides the satisfaction of seeing someone being confused and in pain”

“You in pain?” He looked sincere as he looked up on me.

I didn’t want to answer so I turned around and walked away. While I walked I hoped nothing more than my throbbing erection would be gone by the time I got home.

Luckily it was. My mind still hadn’t come to term with me being gay, but apparently my body had, because as soon as I got into bed and thought about the way Levis body felt against mine. I got a Hard-on. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

The next couple of day was weird, because I didn’t feel like telling anyone about my new realization. Mikasa knew something was off, she asked me about it was on numerous occasions, when I didn’t answer she assumed it was all about Sasha.

Christmas came and went and school started without anything being revealed. The only thing that happened during that time was that Armin started to date the girl from the bar, Christa. After every date he would either stop by or call me to give me a detailed report. It’s weird, I met Christa once more and she seemed like a shy and quiet girl. I thought that maybe her giving Armin a handjob that night was because she was drunk, but according to Armin she’s wild.

They hadn’t had sex, but he had already received his first blowjob. It made me feel a little jealous. I sat on the couch thinking of blowjobs, when my phone rang. It was only a text. It was from Armin.

-Hey Eren, can I stop by?

-Sure

Armin came over within the next 20 min. He sat beside me on the couch and threw something at me. It was a muffin. That was one of the reasons I thought Armin had been gay, he loved baking, for some reason.  
Long live stereotypes, I thought bitterly. 

“What’s up? You got more details for me?” I asked and laughed

“Well, if you must know… I went down on Christa yesterday.” He’d stopped blushing whenever sex or pussy was mentioned. Guess it’s not so embarrassing when you’re doing it. 

“So how was it?” I asked out of curiosity. A girls vagina has always seemed a little strange. But I always told myself, that every guy thought that, because they didn’t have one, themselves. I bet girls think dicks are weird too.

“It was weird” He laughed “I had no idea what to do; I almost got a cramp in my tongue!” He laughed a little and I was about to ask something about the smell when he said “But that’s not what I want to talk about.” He gave me a look that said no fooling around, I want answers.

“What do you want to talk about then?” I wasn’t sure I liked where this was going

“I know that you’ve been down lately, understandable with what happened.” He took a deep breath as to gather courage to say what he said next “But it’s not Sasha. Is it? I can see it, the way you act in school, around her. It’s something else. I’m your best friend, talk to me.” Armin looked at me with concern, which made me feel awful for not telling him what I was thinking. So I decided to come clean.

“Okay, but swear that you won’t laugh, make fun of me” He nodded and I added “Or hate me”

“Why would I hate you, Eren? Did you murder someone?” Armin looked really concerned now. So I told him how Levi had implied I was gay at the club and how he later kissed me to prove it, or how he made me kiss him, smaller detail I didn’t bother telling. When I finished explaining what happened I said “I think I’m gay. No I know I’m gay. I’m Gay Armin”

Tears stung in my eyes, never had I told anything so humiliating and private. But Armin was a good friend he looked at me and said “Eren, it’s fine. If you’re gay it doesn’t matter to me, but you’re sure?”

“Yeah”

“You don’t think it’s because Sasha hurt you and you don’t want to deal with it?”

“You said it yourself, it has nothing to do with Sasha. “

“Okay, I just want to make sure. You told Mikasa anything?”  
I shook my head and he understood that I asked him not to either. I wanted to tell her when I’m ready.

Armin suddenly smiled and whispered “So is that Levi guy, you’re _boyfriend_?”

It was typical Armin to accept everything so fast, so I sucker punched him, because that is what he would expect me to do “God no. I don’t even know him”

We spent the rest of the night watching reruns on TV and talking like everything was okay. I even felt that everything was okay.

It was Friday and Mikasa and I were driving over to Jeans. She’d forced me, even though my talk with Armin had made me feel a little better, I was still down.

She had walked into my room at noon exclaiming “Enough Eren, you spent most of you days either doing nothing or have Armin over. You’re going out tonight. Jean asked if you’d like to come over. He will be having friends over.”

I dreaded the fact that I would be forced to socialize. When we came over we were apparently the only ones who had arrived. I placed myself in the couch and got myself a beer.

More people came, some even tried to talk to me, but they quickly got the clue, when I didn’t do anything to keep a conversation.

After some time, I got up and walked over to Jean who was standing in the other side of the room. As I was walking, someone passed me by, close enough to touch me. I turned around and saw it was Levi, he blinked to me and made me instantly blush.

I decided against talking to Jean and went outside, so I could be alone. I still didn’t know what to think of all this. Not about me not about Levi, what did he want?

“How’s things going, brat?”

He was standing just outside the door. Looking amazing. He had that look of disinterest he practiced so often, the one that both looked angry and thoughtful. How could a single person show so many emotions on the same time as showing none?

“What do you want? Are you stalking me?” He still annoyed me, even though I had to admit, he was interesting.

He laughed a little at that. “No I’m not. I didn’t even know you’d be here” He walked over, so there was a hand width of space between us. He gave me that smile, the smile that told me he was playing with me, the smile that told me he knew I liked it.

It was weird, I didn’t know the guy at all, but I still managed to get exactly what he meant by his facial expression. Not that he had many different. He always seemed hostile, except for moments like these.

He leaned a little closer, so his mouth was just in front of mine. So close I could almost taste him, but not close enough. I wasn’t going to kiss him; he shouldn’t have the satisfaction of knowing his game worked.   
But that wasn’t his only trick; without looking away, without moving his head. He placed his hand on my hip and got a firm grip before he led his hand onto my back and pushed me closer to him.    
My heart was racing and I prayed that he didn’t hear it, and then he lowered his hand down to my ass and gave it a hard squeeze before getting up and walking away.

He was teasing me. I hurried inside, hoping no one saw me or stopped me. I locked the door to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My face was red as a tomato.

I couldn’t go outside again, not while everyone could see my boner.

I would just wait till it went away, but I began to think about Levi. How he smelled, how sexy he was, how he looked at me. It got worse, so I pulled down my pants and started stroking my penis. First slow and then faster. As I got lost in the delight of touching myself, I started to imagine Levi being the one handling my cock.  
I came in the toilet, flushed put my dick back into my pants and hoped I hadn’t been in there too long.

I went to the kitchen to get something to drink.

I almost walked out again when I saw Levi standing there, but decided to go in anyway. He shouldn’t know how nervous he made me feel.

“Hey kid” He got my attention

“Did you get rid of your erection yet?”

I ignored him and instead said “Why are you here? You don’t strike me like the type who have friends” I paused before I added ”You don’t seem like Jeans type of friends either”   

Which was true, most of Jeans friends were people from school. I didn’t even know what Levi did. Besides he never really said anything, except when he tried to play me, he was just there. Like a shadow.

“True, but Jean helped me out” I hadn’t really expected an actual answer, nor any further explanation of it, but Levi continued ”I was a senior and Jean was a Freshmen. He saw me get beat up by a bunch of guys. He tried to help me, got beat up pretty bad. He might seem lazy and disinterested in stuff, but he has values. He knew they beat me up because I’m gay, and he hated seeing that”

“I didn’t know you were gay” I bursted out. I still hadn’t made up my mind of what I thought he was.

“Why do you think I kissed you back” he sounded like he thought I was a dumbass, which I probably was.

“I don’t know. To play me to get some weird satisfaction out of seeing me react. Why did you kiss me?” I didn’t realize I’d just told him that he actually made react, before he laughed and I started blushing again.

“True, but I’m very much gay. Ever since my parents threw me out at 15” He didn’t answer the other question, which slightly annoyed me.

“Your parents threw you out because you were gay?”

He nodded. That must be one of the reasons why he always seemed so serious.

“What did you do? Where did you live?” I was outraged because parents had treated their kid like that.

“Little bit everywhere, lived some time on the streets. I didn’t do very well, until I met Hanji, the girl from the coffee shop.” He explained, as though it wasn’t obvious “I was selling drugs on the street to get money, sometimes I’d take the drugs myself and sometimes I’d even prostitute, but then I met Hanji. She said I could live at her place. Her parents welcomed me, took care of me. I finished high school”

“Oh that’s how you could have been a senior, when Jean was a Freshman” I had thought it odd that he was so old and still manage to be a senior same year Jean was a freshman.

“mhm” He looked lost in memories.

I didn’t know what to say, he actually told me something about himself. I can see why he’s always so serious, he had had a hard life.

If I, somehow, had found something to say, it wouldn’t have mattered. He walked out of the room, he stopped shortly over to the door and said “To answer your question: I kissed you because, you’re both cute and hot and like you said I like to see you react”

He left me standing in the kitchen wondering if he had meant that.

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

I spent the next day wondering how Levi had lived before he met Hanji. It seemed like an awful life he had had.

I still hadn’t come to term with the fact that I was gay. So I tried to watch as much porn, which included girls, as I could. But as the time went I couldn’t see the appeal. So instead of denying my sexual orientation I tried to become more okay with it.  I looked up a lot of stuff on the internet.

How anal sex worked and stuff like that. I even tried to touch myself around my ass, while I was masturbating. It was okay and it _did_ feel good. But I wondered that if I were to have sex with a man, would I be bottom or top?

For once, my parents were actually home, which only made me in a bad mood. They had demanded that we would have a nice family dinner.

We were all sitting around the dinner table; Mikasa, mom, me and dad.

“How did you do on your English test?” My dad asked.

Great, he’s never here and still manages to remember the only test, which I actually suck at. He’s probably just guessing that we had a test, we have tests every week.

“Fine. I got a C.” I knew both that he knew I didn’t do well in English, and also that that was why he asked.  

“Jean comes over later. Is that okay?” Mikasa asked

Firstly it was always okay that Jean came over, secondly she just asked to try to stop my dad from scolding me. He never actually scolded Mikasa, she did too well in everything and she hated herself for it sometimes. She felt that it was her fault he always was mad at me, which was a ridiculous thing to think.

“Oh really? That’s nice, of course. When?” My mom jumped onto the conversation, but dad wasn’t done

“Only a C? I thought you went to school to become better. Are they making you dumber is that what it is?” he looked angry at me and continued his rant “What about you Mikasa, are you getting any dumber, what did you get on your last test?”

Mikasa flinched and looked down in her plate “I got an A” She felt it as though she were betraying me.

“Ohh, so it’s not the school. It’s just you who’re and idiot. Sometimes I think Mikasa is my biologic child and not you.”

He kept going on about how incompetent I was. Both Mikasa and mom looked down, no one dared talk back when he first started.

Later I was lying in my bed, when Mikasa came in. Jean hadn’t come over, she hadn’t wanted him to see her sad. She was always miserable, whenever I had had a fight with dad.

“I’m sorry Eren” She stood in the door with her blanket over the shoulders

I shook my head

“No, it’s not your fault” I moved further into the bed and, clapped the spot next to me.

She understood and came over to lie next to me. We had always done that as kids. Whenever she would have nightmares about her parents, if we had had a fight and were sorry,  or if, just as now, our dad had been really mad at either one of us.   
It always calmed both of us down.  
It was nice lying next to someone, who was just there. It was moments like this I thought of how much I loved her, have thankful I am for having her in my life. I trusted her 100 %, we would always be there for each other.

This would have been the perfect moment to confess and tell her I was gay. I don’t know why I didn’t.  
Perhaps because it was so personal and such a new revelation to myself, I couldn’t. or perhaps I was afraid she would judge me, despite that I knew she wouldn’t. I guess I was just scared.

“It’s been  long time, since we did this” I said instead.

We were both looking up on my ceiling, which had a few remaining luminous stars I had had as a kid.

“It is, it’s a good thing though”

“It means life is getting better”

I thought about it for a moment and said, despite not believing it “Perhaps you’re right”

We fell asleep lying next to each other, like we had done so many times as kids.

When I woke up I didn’t feel like staying in the house, so I walked over to Armins. It’s been a while since we had just hung out. I spent most of the day there, but at dinner time I decided to leave. I didn’t feel like having both lunch and dinner there, even though Armin asked.  
I didn’t want to go home either, so I went for walk. I walked for a long time. Thinking about everything that had happened.

At some point it started getting dark and I thought that I should head home.

Faith had it, that I met Levi.

“What are you doing in this neighborhood, brat?”

“Fuck off. I’m not in the mood for you today” I really wasn’t.

“You ever in the mood for me, baby?” He blinked and pursed his lips in a kiss. Why did he always do that, the blink thing?

Crap, I thought. I had giving him exactly what he wanted. I really didn’t want to deal with him, and that probably made his day. More fun to play with me.

I rolled my eyes and made it clear that I intended on leaving.

He stepped in front of me, put both hands on my hips and pulled me closer.

His head came closer and I was sure he was going to kiss me. In the moment I both wanted him to kiss me and I also wanted him to leave me alone.

He did not kiss me, though. Instead he licked me, from the tip of the ear, along the jaw line and down the neck. I was panicking, there we people on the other side of the street, I had seen someone just before I had seen Levi.

I placed my hands on his chest and pushed him back.

“You have some willpower after all, I thought you might have been easy. What a pleasant surprise”

I just looked annoyed at him and said “You’re really an ass, you know that?”

I walked away from him, didn’t look back. I turned around a corner and saw that the guys I had seen on the other side of the street stood there.

They looked up when I walked by and made me want to run back the way I had come.

They whispered and pointed at me, until one of them spoke “Hey, was that a guy you were kissing back there?” He looked threatening.

Shit, they had seen Levi’s attempt, to what exactly? To seduce me?

I didn’t want to answer so I just kept walking, which was the first mistake I made.

“You don’t want to answer? Is it because you’re a fucking fag?”

Normally I would have punched him, but they were 3 guys, all both stronger and bigger than me. I kept walking, which was the second and worst mistake I made.

They attacked me. I don’t know what the problem is with guys like that. Some people are just too aggressive.

I ran, back the way I came. I just turned the corner when one of them grabbed me by the neck.

He held me as the others took turns to punch me. As they beat me up I thought of how they lacked creativity, they kept shouting the same 2 things with each of their punch; “Die fucking fag” and “Fucking Homo”.

I was thinking about the fact that this was what Levi had told had happened to him in his senior year.

“Hey!” a voice suddenly yelled, I tried to look at where the voice came from, but couldn’t. I got a hit in the head and passed out.

The next thing I remember is me sitting in a moving car and Levi driving. 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Levi took me to the police station. He first checked me to see if I was hurt anywhere, which I was, but he didn’t think I needed to go to the hospital.

He did think I needed to report the incident though, which is why I was sitting at the police stations waiting room. There were glass doors all the way around. I could see a few police desks. It was late so they were all empty, except for the one or two officers that were having the night shift at the station.

I was surprised when Levi examined me. I had thought that he would use it as an excuse to tease me some more, but he didn’t, which made me glad.

I didn’t want to deal with any sort of sexual frustration at this moment, I just wanted to hate this moment as much as I could.

The only thing I could hear was the constant ringing of a phone. It was Saturday, so I guess the police were busy.

“Can I ask you a question?” I tried to start a conversation

“Sure” he seemed tense, like something was bothering him. I could see he tried to hide it under the façade he was always wearing.

 “What do you do for a living?” I could see he hadn’t expected that question, but he answered it nonetheless.

“Different stuff. I actually wanted to get into the police as a kid, but I changed my mind. Now I’m just figuring out life.”

He still didn’t answer the question so I asked again “But what do you do? Do you work anywhere?”

“I just quit my job in a kindergarten to work at a restaurant as a waiter and you already know that I sometimes work as a substitute at Blue Steel” That surprised me, I couldn’t imagine Levi working with kids nor could I imagine him taking orders from other people.

I just nodded.

“Fuck”

I looked at him and saw that he was looking at someone who stood with the back against us on the other side of the glass. The man was talking to a woman, who had a massive black eye and looked pregnant.

Levi got up and said “You’re on your own in here, brat.”  He hurried out of the waiting room and through the front door. As he did, the policeman followed him with his eyes.

I couldn't help but think what the hell that was about. The man disappeared into a room, just to come back a few minutes later to yell “Eren Jeager”

I followed him into the room and sat in the chair he showed me.

“My name is Erwin Smith. I’m head of the police station here. What can I do for you?”

He sounded business like and I was fairly sure if he was in a bad cop- good, cop interrogation, he’ll be the bad cop.

I told him about the incident and he wrote down everything I said. After half an hour of interrogation he said we were done. I rose and was about to leave when he said.

“So you know Levi? Huh. Coincidence I used to talk to him a lot” his eyes had a dangerous look. I decided to lie.

“Uhm, not really. He was just there when I got beat up” I tried to cover the lie as much by not looking in his eyes.

“What a shame, I would have wanted you to say hi for me” He smiled and gestured towards the door, that I was allowed to leave. I was fairly sure I shouldn’t mention that to Levi, not with the way he acted when he had seen Erwin.

When I got out Mikasa was there. How she knew I was here was a mystery.

She gave me a tight hug and looked at my face to see the damage they had made. Luckily they had only hid my face one time, which was the punch that made me pass out, so I probably wasn’t that ugly to look at. On the other side, I’ll bet my stomach was all bruised up.

She reached into her pocket and took out my phone.

“Where did you get that?” I could have sworn it was in my jacket.

“Levi gave it to me. He called me with your phone and asked me to come. When I came he stood outside and waited for me. He explained what had happened and gave me your phone”

I got all stiff. I didn’t really care if Levi had taken my phone when I was unconscious, but he had explained Mikasa what happened. Had he told her I was gay and that’s why they beat me up?

“Thank God you’re Okay! What the hell made those Jerks attack? Did you do anything or say anything?” she exclaimed rather loudly.

“Nothing I was just there, I guess” Good, Levi hadn’t told anything.

 We walked out to her car. I didn’t know how to feel about Levi at the moment. He had seemed, I don’t know, so humane. But he was still an annoying pervert.

“I haven’t told mom and dad” She looked at me “I figured you didn’t want them to know. I told them I’m at Jeans, so we can’t go home right now. Do you wanna drive around? Get some McDonalds maybe?” 

My stomach rumbled and she laughed “McDonalds it is”

When we got home mom and dad had gone to sleep.   
I went to the bathroom and pulled off my shirt to looked at the damage. My stomach was practically one big bruise. I sighed and took a shower. While I let the hot water pours down on my face I started crying.

It had been a fucking shit weekend. I hadn’t cried this hard in years.

When I came into my room I looked at my phone. Last call was to Mikasa, the one Levi had made. An impulse made me look through my contacts.

When I had been through them all, I buried my head in my pillows. What had I been thinking? My life isn’t some cheesy Hollywood chick flick, of course he wouldn’t have giving me his number. Why would he?

“I don’t even like him!” I said out loud to nobody.

It was a week after the incident and we were all gathered at Jeans house. We talked about unprovoked assaults. They had all heard about it, the only one who knew why they had attacked me was Armin, who didn’t really participate in the conversation. I had to talk about it, because it was mostly about me. They asked all sorts of questions, which was interrupted when the doorbell rang.

Jean ran out to open the door and came back with Levi, who had his usual expression of indifference. He lost his composure for a good second when he looked at me. 

After a few moments of meaningless conversation I got up and went to the kitchen. I looked at Levi and made sure he understood that I wanted him to follow.

I waited for him for about 5 minutes.

So what was I going to do first: Thank him, ask about Erwin or bitch about him leaving me in the waiting room?

“Thanks for helping me.”

“You’re welcome” He looked more hostile than usual, a little sad actually.

“Why did you leave? What was it about that policeman that freaked you out?” It was probably harsh of me to say it like that. I thought he, at least, owed me some explaining.

“Shut the fuck up.” His face had hardened “Look I’m sorry that those guys beat you up, I know it’s my fault. But just shut the fuck up about things you know shit about”

He was really angry and I felt a little bad.

“Sorry, it’s really none of my business. I was just mad that I had to be there alone. Go ahead call me a pussy.”

He didn’t though.

“I’m sorry Eren” He really did think it was his fault.   

“It’s the first time you haven’t called me brat or kid” I stated

“You gonna take my apology or what?” his attitude slowly returned to how it normally was. It made me smile, I would much rather prefer this Levi.

“I wouldn’t say it was your fault, don’t apologize”    

I came to the conclusion that I actually wanted him to stop being sad and start teasing me again. I didn’t have anything else to say to make him feel better, so I just walked over to him, pressed him against the table and kissed him. Not one of those hard kisses, just a little brief one to let him know, that he could still play me all he wanted.

He understood and pressed his body against mine.

“I didn’t think you had it in you” He breathed between two kisses.

His hands were all over my body and I felt warm. He grabbed my ass and pressed and squeezed it. It felt so good. His right hand stopped right at the edge of my pants. He gave me a rouge smile, as to ask permission. I nodded, not sure what he was asking permission for.

Then he unbuttoned my pants and I understood that he was going to give me my very first handjob. I got both excited and embarrassed.  
He massaged my dick through the fabric of my boxers. I wanted to moan, but I wasn’t allowed, his tongue was still in my mouth and it made it feel even more amazing. I didn’t think it could get better, but then his hands slipped under my boxers. He moved his hand slowly and lightly up and down the hilt.

After some strokes he increased the pressure on my penis, I could feel it. I needed to breathe so I broke free of him and took some heavy breaths. He let me breath and kissed and licked me on the neck.  

His hands stopped for a second, and then he started to make twists with his hand, back and forth over the top of the head, like he was trying to screw my dick off. It was fucking good. He tapped the tip with his thumb and then led his hand back down the shaft. I came in my pants. I don’t think he got anything on him.

I was still breathing heavily, when he removed his hands from my pants, looked at me and said “Good boy”. His attitude back to normal.

He went over to the counter took a piece of paper, a pen and wrote something. He came over again grabbed my ass with one hand and put the piece of paper in the pockets of my jeans. He got a thing for asses, I thought, but you probably do that when you’re gay.

“If you ever want to hang out call me” He winked at me and walked out the door.

I buttoned my jeans and walked out to the others. Levi had left the party and I tried not to give anything away with my attitude. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I’ve already written the next couple of chapters. I had planned to post them separately, but I can’t wait. So you guys are getting a shit lot of chapters all at once. Hope you’ll like it.   
> Thanks for reading! It makes me happy that someone’s paying attention to this and being positive in their feedback!

The weeks that followed was a mix of me either jerking off to the thought of Levi working on my cock, talking to Armin about what had happened for both him and me, looking at the piece of paper with Levis number on, gathering the courage to tell Mikasa that I was gay or gather the courage to call Levi, which I never did, because I didn’t know what he expected.

The first of my worries was solved on a late Saturday. I had just jacked off when Mikasa knocked on the door. I hid all the tissues, before I said she could enter.

“What’s up” I tried to be casual, act like I was my normal self.

“Eren are you gay?” She just said it, like that, didn’t wrap it up or anything.

“Ehr, why do you ask?”

“You’ve been acting weird. I thought it was because of the whole Sasha thing or perhaps the incident. When I talked to Armin he said he didn’t think it was that”

“Did Armin tell you anything?” I interrupted

She didn’t look surprised over I’d already talked with Armin about it.   
“No. He didn’t. I just remember at Jeans. I saw Levi come out of the kitchen looking all, I don’t know, triumphant. Then you came out afterwards acting all flustered and goofy”

Urgh, had I been that obvious

“But you remember when you fell asleep on the couch the other day? You kind of moaned and, uhm said Levis name.”

How embarrassing, I remember I had had a dream about him doing some things to me, but I hadn’t realized I had been speaking in my sleep. I turned red.

“I figured you didn’t know how to tell me. So I just wanted you to know that if it’s the case, I already suspected it and it’s okay. I’m not judging you”

That was the good thing about Mikasa. She never judged anyone.

“I’m gay” I shrugged and she leaned forward to hug me

She sat down beside me and hugged me. I told her the whole story, even why the guys had beat me up, which just made her angry.

When I was done we just sat in pleasant silence before she got up and told me “It’s okay to be you Eren, remember I love you”.

She gave me a kiss on the cheek and left. She had giving me some courage, so I looked at the number one more time and then decided to call. I was getting nervous; I didn’t know what to say if he picked it up, which he did.

“Levi” It was a weird kind of greeting, not a _hi_ or _who’s there_ just an announcement of who was speaking.

“uhm, Hi Levi. It’s Eren”

”Took you long enough, fucking brat. What do you want?” Attitude completely unchanged from normal. I hadn’t realized how much I feared he still would be sad.

“Hang out?”

“Should’ve known… Wait. You wanna hang out now?” He asked, sounding as though he had better things to do

“If you have time?”

The other side of the phone went silent for a while.

“I’m down town, if you walk down here I’ll pick you up?”

“Sure”

He didn’t say bye or see you, he just hung up. I was getting nervous. I got this far, I could do the rest and meet him. Whatever his plans was I could always tell him no.

I put on some other clothes, said goodbye to Mikasa and went down town.  He hadn’t said where he would pick me up so I just went to the parking lot opposite Blue Steel. After 15 minutes, he drove into the spot next to me. He gestured with his head that I should get in. I hesitated for only a second before entering.

“Do you mind hanging out at my place?” He didn’t even look at me, just on the road ahead, but I shook my head and guessed he sensed it. It would be interesting seeing how he lived.

He lived in an apartment, which suited his personality just fine. There weren’t that many things. Most of the furniture was black; there wasn’t anything on the walls. What surprised me about the place was that there was so clean. It was obvious it was recently done. I sat down in the black couch, didn’t know what else to do.

He leaned against the wall, crossed his hands and observed me again, just staring at me like I was some kind of puzzle. It should have been me, looking at him like that, he was the mystery here.

He finally said “I’m trying to figure out why you’re here. Not sure if you’re here to actually just hang out, talk or you’re here hoping I’m going to fuck you”   

I just looked at him, sitting on the couch he seemed much taller, more intimidating. When I placed myself in the car I hadn’t known what I’d want, but I knew now. I licked my lips, got up and strode over to him.

He stood there, waiting to see what I wanted, neither asking me to do anything but on the same time didn’t ask me to stop, so I kissed him first softly and later more aggressively.

His body let me know, that I was allowed to touch him, but his eyes let me know, that he was the one in charge, which made me desire him more. His expressions didn’t change much, not like mine probably had. For the first time ever, I touched another man like he was a lover.

I felt his ass, I felt the muscles under his shirt and I felt his dick. First through his pants, but after a few moments, I decided to take it out, I wanted to see it.  
It bounced up against his stomach when his boxers came off. It was average length, slightly smaller than mine, but also a lot thicker. I almost couldn’t fit my hand around it.   
I couldn’t concentrate on giving Levi the same kind of attention with my kisses as he had with me.   
He was getting hard, which relieved me. I tried doing all the things I liked myself and even though he didn’t say or do much, his breath got heavier.

I looked down on his cock and suddenly felt and urge to put it in my mouth. I looked at Levi to see if he minded, but his eyes were closed and his mouth open. I took a chance and got down on my knees.

It was so big and I really wanted to taste it, but I wasn’t sure if it would fit in my mouth. I licked the tip of the head, while working on the root with my hands.  I looked at it and wanted more, so I opened my mouth as wide as I could and slowly pressed his cock further into my mouth.

I heard a groan and felt his hands, spreading and fondling my hair and putting a light pressure on my head, so I would keep sucking his dick. I slowly went up and down, careful not to gag.  I could feel how aroused it made me, sucking his dick. The effect was enormous; I felt my cock grow in my pants as I continued to blow him. 

He didn’t warn me, I just heard him gasp “Fuck Jesus” before he came into my mouth. I wasn’t prepared, so I just swallowed, it tasted salt.

I was still sitting on the floor and he looked down on me “That was your first time?”

I nodded, not sure if he meant it was good or if it was bad. I stood up, looking him in his stormy eyes, begging him to tell me how I did.

“Not bad”

It made me happy, that I was not bad. I could have been awful. I thought of my own erection and hoped he would do something about it.

He sighed and pushed me back to the couch and sat me down. “For I newly gay, you really know what you want, don’t you, brat”

I guess he saw right through me. He sat right on top of me, the legs to each side, seducing me, made me want him more. He moved his hip, back and forth. Not anything wild, but the friction between my dick and his body was out of this world. 

He played me like a doll.

He knew what I wanted, and he knew he had the power. So he teased me showing what I would get, if I just was a good boy and I was damn well the best boy I could’ve ever been.

He sucked it, hard. He used more techniques than I did, or even knew of. It was over quickly, he showed what power he had over my body and I came right in his face. 

He drove me home afterwards. Not much had happened between me coming in his face and he announcing he would take me home.   
I didn’t know what to say, when he dropped me off just a few houses away from home. I didn’t expect a goodbye kiss, didn’t get one either.

But when I opened the door to get out Levi spoke “Kid”

I both hated and loved that he used kid as his favorite phrase to get my attention. That’s probably why he did it. 

I looked at him. What he said next, was probably just to see how I reacted.

“You have an amazing dick” The words were accompanied with a wink.

I didn’t know what to say so giggled like a dork, and was more flustered than ever. He reached over and closed the door for me and took off.

I hurried up and into my room. No one was home, which was lucky since I didn’t want to talk to either of my parents at the moment. I knew Mikasa wouldn’t be there, but I still wondered where my parents went.  
I, at least, got half an answer to that question, when I walked in my room. The post-it on my desk said, they went out to meet some friends.

 I picked up my phone and called Armin.

“Hey Eren what’s up?” He sounded like he was driving

“Are you driving?”

“Yeah, so you better hurry up, I don’t want to get pulled over.”

“Just wanted to hear if you’d stop by? I’m home alone.”

“I can do that. Be right over”

He was close, because it only took him 10 minutes to arrive.

He came in and looked like he was flying. Smiled from ear to ear.

“What happened to you?” I wondered out loud, being just as smiling as him.

“I just came from Christas house” He gave me a look that said everything

“You did it? You lost your virginity Armin??” I couldn’t help it, I was happy and excited on his behalf. If I hadn’t just received and given my first blowjob, I’d probably be hostile and jealous. Which Armin noticed I wasn’t right away.

“Why are you so happy?”

“Never mind that. I’ll tell you later. Come on I wanna hear about it”

“Okay. We went on a date, like we do almost every Saturday. When we were finished with the crappy movie we saw, she asked if I’d wanted to come inside, which normally isn’t weird. I’ve been at her house many times, but as soon as we came inside. She almost attacked me. Eren, she’s so wild I’m not sure if I even can handle it” He laughed, clearly not worried about handling his girlfriend.

“We didn’t plan anything, it just sort of happened. We were doing all the things we usually do, but then she asked if I would take it any further and we did. Shit it was amazing. “ He went on for about an hour talking about how it was and how it felt. He was so happy. I’m glad it was serious between those two.

After finishing his story he asked “Why are you so happy suddenly?”

I started blushing, not sure how to say that I’d been doing stuff with Levi. Armin got some kind of clue and yelled “You lost your virginity too!?”

“No” I laughed nervously as I continued “but I did get my first blowjob today”   
“Who?”   
So I told him the story about how Mikasa had forced me to the party and how Levi had given me a handjob there, and so on up to this day. I even told him I’d given Levi a blowjob first.

“You really did that? You really put a dick in your mouth?”

He laughed a friendly laugh. “ I’m sorry” he hurried to say before I could get angry with him “ I’m just imagining you sucking a dick. Sorry. It’s a weird picture in my head”

“Asshole, you’re not supposed to imagine stuff like that!” But I laughed as well, because it was a funny picture, even though it to me filled me with somewhat of heat too.  
It was great talking to Armin, we joked, laughed and talked until it was early Sunday morning.

School was okay, Sasha still didn’t talk to me and still didn’t plan on talking to her. The schooldays passed, with the routines that define high school.

When Friday arrived, Mikasa, Armin and I decided to go for a drink. They had both declined inviting their boyfriend and girlfriend knowing I would be left to myself if they did. I appreciated that.

“Where should we go?” Armin asked as we ate some pizza, before heading out.

“Blue Steel?” I suggested. I didn’t tell them I secretly hoped Levi had to substitute today.

Mikasa agreed on Blue Steel and soon after, we left.

The party was wild, already. People on the tables, dancing, people making out, someone even made body tequila on each other. We found a table, and I went to get us some drinks.

Levi wasn’t there, but his over hyper friend was. The girl, Hanji. She approached me behind the bar desk.

“What would it be?” Asking what kind of beverage I wanted.

“Oi, you’re the guy!” she bawled before I answered.

“Come on” She waved me into a room, behind the bar. It was oddly quiet in here, you couldn’t hear the crazy loud music from the club.

I wondered what she wants with me.

“So. Are you and Levi doing it?”

I didn’t really want to answer, but her eyes told me I had no other option.

“uhm. Well not eh exactly” I stuttered and she frowned a little as though it was weird.

“What? You haven’t taken it up the ass yet. Weird”

Yeah, weird was exactly the word I was looking for. This conversation confused me.

“Listen kid” There it was again, kid, but I didn’t bother correcting her.

“Levi has never been in any relationship. So you can just get your hopes out of the way. Levi is all about the sex. Preferably as hard as possible. If that’s not what you’re looking for, you should walk away from him.” She had same kind of protectiveness in her tone, which I often heard in Mikasa.

“Hey I don’t know anything. He’s the one playing with me.”

“and to be honest I don’t really mind”

She gave me another strange look, before we left the room. I ordered 3 beers.

It was a fun night, we kept drinking, dancing, having fun. At one point someone offered us a pill, which looked like ecstasy. Neither of us took it though. 

When the clock passed 3 in the night Hanji came over to the table, with 3 new beers. She bent over to whisper to me “You know, Levi is coming in half an hour, if you want to talk to him” out loud she said “On the house”.

“How do you know a bartender at Blue Steels?” Mikasa yelled, trying to make me hear her over the song. Armin looked impressed, which made me proud. I don’t know why.

“She’s Levis best friend” I yelled back “Only met her once, though”

“What did she say to your” Armin asked

“She just told me that Levi was coming tonight” 

“What are you gonna do about that?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t really talked to him after the other night” I had told Mikasa the same story as I told Armin, when she got home from Jeans.

I didn’t want to think too much about Levi, so I decided to drag Mikasa and Armin onto the dance floor and just go crazy.

To say we looked flawless, would have been and overstatement beyond compare. We made all the crappy moves, but I didn’t matter, we had fun. 


	8. Chapter 8

After some time on the dance floor, I saw that Levi was standing at the bar watching us goof around.  He didn’t approach me and I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to say hi or anything, but then he caught my eyes and I couldn’t pretend I hadn’t seen him.  
Not that I wanted to either.

“It’s Levi, I’m going over to say hi” I yelled into Mikasas ear. She looked over her shoulder to see whereto I had gestured. She nodded, took Armins hands and disappeared deeper in the crowd on the dance floor.

I made my way over to Levi; he stood with a beer in his hand and looked thoughtful again. Damn sexy.

He greeted me with “What the hell was that?”

“You were watching me?” I said hoping to catch him off guard, but he’s not that easy to fool.

“I couldn’t not look at that. What do you even call those moves, brat?” He looked disgusted, but in a way, that made me think he didn’t mean it. His eyes weren’t as harsh as they usually were.

“It’s called fun, you should try it sometimes” I countered.   
We looked at each other for an intense 5 seconds, before he downed his beer and took my hand and dragged me onto the dance floor.

It was so unexpected I just laughed. I didn’t even care that people could see us. The influence Levis body had on mine was instant. I longed for him to touch me. Even though he didn’t do anything sexual. It was just the way his and mine body moved in sync to the beat of the music.

“I need to take a break” he couldn’t hear me, so I just grabbed his shirt and pulled him with me outside. I needed to get air.

When we got away from the music, I heard him laugh. It was the first time I had heard him genuinely laugh because something was enjoyable. It was so different from his usual mocking and arrogant laugh. I laughed with him.   
We laughed until we couldn’t breathe.

“I didn’t know you were such a great dancer”

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, kid. But if you were impressed by that, I have bad news for you” His teasing was back, but he still had a little of the genuineness left in his eyes, which made them come alive like I’ve never seen them before. I’ve never noticed how bright of a green color they had.

Just like the first time we met, I had trouble looking away from him. I stared into his eyes, got lost trying to figure out the story behind all the emotions I saw in them. He was the one who broke off the eye contact.

“We should get inside again” he said looking away from me.

I followed him, as he walked away.

Mikasa and Armin sat at a table near the bar; they waved as we walked in. Mikasa had seen and talked with Levi before, seeing as she was always with Jean, but Armin had only seen him briefly last time we went out and I could see him taking a good look at Levi.

If he hadn’t been with Christa I might have been jealous and suspicious over him staring so much, but he would probably like to know as much as possible about the person who made me realize I was gay. Typical Armin, he used his head way too much.

I walked over to them and was pleased to see Levi come along.

We talked about many things, I was delighted to hear Levi joining the conversation a few times, even though it mostly was to make sarcastic remarks, which neither Armin nor Mikasa seemed to mind.

At one point Hanji came over, she were on a break. It was fun and as the clock was nearing 4 in the morning, I could feel myself sober up. Didn’t seem I would be having an unbearable hangover this time.

“I’ll better go home, Christa is coming over later” Armin smiled

“Yeah, me too. We’ll wait outside for you, Eren” Mikasa said. They gave me the opportunity to say goodbye to Levi. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to leave, but much less sure if he would want me here.

“You can go home if you want. I’m not your mom, kid.” I couldn’t interpret his tone of voice. It seemed he had seen that I was thinking about something and interpreted it as me asking him if it was okay I left.

I leaned against him and whispered in his ear “Do you want me to leave?” I stayed so close to him, that he could probably feel my breath on his chin. I let him know that I didn’t want to leave. Let him know that I wanted him to take me home.

He turned to me and I didn’t move. Our lips were so close I was sure I had him. I was sure that he would kiss me, but instead he said

“I can’t do that, kid”

He walked away and left me feeling just as rejected as the day I had seen Sasha and Reiner.

I said goodbye to Armin and didn’t talk to Mikasa the whole way home.

That weekend was spent with Mikasa, who had cancelled on Jean to keep me company. I couldn’t get over the fact that Levi apparently was tired of me, even though we weren’t together as a couple: it still hurt a little.

Today was a Friday morning I got up and went to school. It was a shitty day. What was worse was that Sasha and Reiner had decided to go public this week. Deciding to tell everybody they were back together.

God I hate people. 

3 months had passed and I had only seen Levi once, which was 3 weeks after he had rejected my offer. He was with Hanji at the club. We didn’t talk, but Hanji kept sending looks my way, for thereafter to look worried at Levi. It was distracting and annoying.  
I hadn’t loved him, I told myself, so I wasn’t devastated, but I got angry at him all over again.

Mikasa should be proud of me. In the past if anyone did anything to make me feel angry I would have thrown a punch at them, even though I knew I would lose. I didn’t do that though.

Today was party night; Jean had pulled me to the side a couple of days ago, when I was at his place.

“You know Eren, I want to warn you. Levi is going to be there on Friday.”

Jean had suspected something was wrong, because every time, in the past 3 months, he invited me over I would ask if Levi would be there. He had guessed something had happened and had asked Mikasa if something had been going on between us. She told him to ask me myself, which he did.   
In the start I had denied, but he’s so good at convincing people. So I told him and he had accepted that I didn’t want to be there when Levi was.

He looked worried. I was glad that he told me, that gave me time to practice a I-don’t-give-a-fuck- face which I could deliver Levi once in a while. But because it was an uncomfortable subject I instead acted like an asshole.

“So what? He’s free to do what he wants. I really couldn’t care less. I told you Jean, we weren’t even a thing. It was just fun, until he stopped thinking that” I turned around.

I really dreaded tonight and I was right for doing so. 

 


	9. Chapter 9

I had decided to wear some jeans, as always, and a black, tight t-shirt. If there was anyone worth scoring tonight, I would go for it.

Armin had his hair in a ponytail, which made me laugh the when I saw him, even though it actually looked great. Armin could wear it. He had also chosen to wear some regular jeans and then a white shirt, which made him seem more mature.

It was weird with clothe, I thought. Girls have so many options when it comes to dressing up. We boys have like the same kind of jeans to which we could wear different shirts. There was absolutely no different in how Armin, Jean and I dressed, because when Jean arrived. He was wearing a gray shirt over his jeans.

Mikasa and Christa were looking great too.   
Mikasa was wearing a red dress, which was tight around her body. It stopped just above the knees and the back was open. She was wearing high heels and was wearing the hair loose around her neck.

Christa had a black and white dress, which parted in the middle. The bottom part was black and the top was white. The dress was short, stopped on the middle of her thighs. Armin was staring. Guess he would get some tonight.

We had agreed on staying at Mikasa and my house and then just walk to the club, whenever. We played a lot of drinking games. One which was named _I have never._

Each player has 5 lives, and then you have to come up with something you haven’t done. If any of the other players have done one of the said things, they lose a life and will be having to drink. The player who first ‘dies’, will be downing 2 shots.

It was fun. I learned that Mikasa had taken it in the butt, Jean once had jerked off in the boys changing room, Christa had been in a threesome (To Armins horror. He got over it really quickly, though.  He knew from the start she had done some crazy stuff), and Armin once had a crush on his 42 year old mathematics teacher. Christa was the one who lost. I laughed with them all and dreaded going out less and less.

 “Drink!, drink!, drink!, DRINK!” The others cheered, while they were laughing. I was trying to down a whole beer in one shot while I was only in my boxers. I had just lost a bet with Jean.

We had been talking about some athlete or so who was a really fast runner.

“Bet I’m the fastest in this room” I said because I’m a drunken cocky motherfucker. Jean took it as a challenge, without surprising anyone.   
We might have settled for a peaceful attitude that resemblance friendship, but neither of us stood in the way of making fun of each other or calling each other out on our fails. Mikasa hated it, but found it to be me more pleasant than us getting into fist fight and downright hated each other like we used to.

“Ha. As if, I bet you can’t even run down the street and back in under a minute”

“I bet you, that I can” I was never one to back down from a challenge

“Okay, if you don’t you’ll have to down a beer in one shot.”

Because I was sure I could do it I countered “Fine, if I do, you’ll have to down 2”

I went to the door and said “Mikasa, you take time”

“oh, wait wait wait!” Christa interrupted “You have to do it in your boxers only” She laughed and the others agreed that that was what I had to do. So I took of all my clothes, except the boxers yelled “NOW!” to Mikasa and ran.

I didn’t do it, so now I was drinking the beer, spilling half of it down my face.

I was happy, because I was with my friends.

We got to the club around midnight; I had taken my clothes back on after I had washed my face.

When we got in we saw a lot of familiar faces. Connie was there with Mikasas friend Annie and some guy called Marco. Jean’s friends from last time were there too. I couldn’t see Levi anywhere, so he probably wasn’t there yet.

We ordered some shots and beers, we downed the shots at once and we all sat down to chill and talk. I looked around the club and saw another known face. Sasha, she was there with Reiner. I sneered; I didn’t want to talk to any of them really.

 After some time, Mikasa begged me to go dance with her and as I did, I remembered how Levi and I had danced that night. I decided not to think about it and just have fun.

That went well for another hour or so, and then I went to the bathroom. It was so easy being a man; the bathroom was almost always empty, because as time went by and people got drunk, they tended to pee outside, for some reason.   
I walked in and right into the arms of someone walking out. I looked up and cursed my luck. Who else could it be? Of course it was Levi.

I tried to walk past him, but he blocked the way. He looked confused; as though it surprised him I was there.

“Eren” he said in the tone of surprise

I didn’t want to hear it. I was getting angry, it was the second time he didn’t call me either kid or brat. He actually called me my name. How could he just say my name? He weren’t allowed to. He made me so mad. I turned around, without uttering a word and went outside and peed.

Guess this is why people pee outside; they don’t want awkward encounters at the bathroom.

Inside I went crazy, showed him, wherever he were that I, did in fact not give a flying fuck about him and his sexy ass.

What had Hanji said? That I should walk away from him. She was right, I should have, but he was the one who ended up walking away. Why did it bother me so much? I barely knew him.  
What more had Hanji said that night? Yeah that’s right, she said Levi only wanted sex. Was that why the mere sight of him made me boil? Because I didn’t feel good enough, he didn’t even want to just have sex with me. Was it more than that?

I thought of him saying my name. The only other time he had said my name was when he had been sorry. That thought quickly left my mind, though.

Why was I reacting like this? I asked myself. Armin and I were dancing on a table at the moment. I wanted to show the world that I was okay.

But it didn’t look like me, I usually didn’t give a shit about what people thought.

Is it because I love Levi? A quiet thought kept asking in the back of my head.

It wasn’t fair, he was the one who made me interested in him, and he was the one that made me think I wanted to try those things he suggested. Maybe that’s the problem, maybe that’s why he left. He won the game and it was no longer interesting.

Or is it because I actually fell for Levi, without knowing?

I shook my head. I couldn’t bear the thought of being in love with Levi.

I jumped of the table to get some more to drink, when I stumbled right into Sasha.

“Ohh Haaaaayy Sashaaa” I yelled as I pretended not to care.

“Are you okay, Eren?”

“Me? Why shouldn’t I be?” I laughed a laughter that was so obviously fake.

She opened her mouth to say something but I continued.  “So how’re things with Reiner? You getting any?” the last part was directed to Reiner who stood behind her.

“Eren” it was Armin, his tone had a warning. He looked at me to say walk away, it isn’t worth it, but I didn’t give a fuck.

I wanted a conflict I wanted a reason to yell and fight, so I said “Reiner, if you had just asked you would know that I would have shared her with you” When I said _shared her with you_ I put a possessive hand on her shoulder. He frowned at the action, but didn’t do anything. I could see what he thought. He thought, I’ll bear over with you, because we did you wrong. But I wasn’t done.

“You know, instead of deceiving me and go behind my back.” I continued, smirking at him. “So, I’ll appreciate it, if you returned the favor and shared her with me?” As I said that I slapped her in the ass.

She looked at me, angry at me, I didn’t care. I saw that she opened her mouth, probably to scold me or something, but she was too slow.

A fist came flying and landed on my face. I had hit a nerve, it was Reiner. He had seemed so calm, but he had lost it.

I felt it, the hit hurt a lot. I had momentarily forgotten that Reiner was in the military. I would get beaten up, but I didn’t care. I launched myself at Reiner, Armin tried to stop me, but I was, despite everything still stronger than him.

I don’t know how long we fought, but suddenly we were on the floor, people all around us. Both screaming and cheering, some were yelling my name, either to make me stop or to make me keep going.

I knew I had lost the fight, from the moment it began, I just hoped I could damage him just a little bit.

The next hit, was clean, hit me right in the temples and I was knocked out for the second time that year. 

 


	10. Chapter 10

I woke up in a warm bed, that wasn’t my own. My entire body was hurting. My head probably hurt because of a mix of too many hits and a hangover.

I tried to move a little, just to see if I could. As I did I could hear someone change position in the chair next to me. It probably was Mikasa or Armin.

The room I was in was bright, and I shielded my eyes from it when I tried to open my eyes, which seemed a little difficult seeing as my left eye was a little swollen.

I cursed myself as I remember I had gotten into a fight, and even with a guy much bigger or stronger than me. I really thought I had had my anger under control. I tried to sit up, which hurt like hell. I probably was blue and yellow everywhere, but at least nothing’s broken.

When my eyes had gotten used to the light I turned around to talk to the person in the chair. My jaw dropped as I saw who was sitting in the chair. It wasn’t Mikasa, Armin or any other person I considered my friend, hell, it wasn’t even Levi.

It was Hanji.

What. The. Fuck. What did Hanji do here? I tried to smile at her, but regretted it, when I felt a pain in my lip. Great, I had split my lip too.

“Wh-what are you doing here?”

“I was the one who drove you here. Your friends were either taken to the station or too drunk to drive. They thought you had gotten a concussion.” She paused a bit.

“Levi asked me to.”

“My friends? Who? Are they arrested? What did they do?” I took a minute to let everything she said sink in “Wait why would Levi ask you to do that?”

“You gotta ask him that yourself. And that girl you were with got pulled down to the station with the guy you _tried_ to beat up.” She got up and pulled a string.

“The nurse said I should call when you woke up” she explained as she saw me wonder what she did.

“My friend got arrested?” I worried about Mikasa.

“Nah, I don’t think they will be arrested. They should probably just explain what happened. She’s tough, she jumped right into the fight when she saw it was you.” that was typical Mikasa, always protecting me. I hoped she wasn’t hurt.

“Who are they? Didn’t you say Mikasa was my only friend who got pulled down to the station?”

She was caught off guard and I could see that she had made a mistake, what mistake I couldn’t tell.

“Ohh sorry, the guy you were fighting. He was the one I meant when I said ‘they’” She smiled covering up whatever she had done wrong.

The nurse came in, checked my eyes and did nurse stuff.

“I don’t think it’s a concussion, but I would like to keep you here for a few hours.”

I nodded as she left. Hanji and I didn’t really talk, she just sat there, texting. For some weird reason.

Sometimes I would look over at her and see that she was staring at me.

“What? Why are you staring at me. It’s creeping me out”  it really did and the whole situation was weird. She wouldn’t answer my questions about Levi so I wondered if she would answer this one.

“I’m just wondering” She said slowly, choosing her words carefully.

I rolled my eyes, because that was kind of obvious.

“I could see that. But about what, if it’s about me you owe me to tell me.”

She looked around nervously. “Alright. Remember that night you danced with Levi at the club. I asked you if you two had done it yet?” I nodded, I remember that very clearly. “Like I told you, Levi is all about the sex. That he hadn’t done it with you is weird, because he doesn’t care about anyone for more than a week. If they haven’t taken the bait before then, he moves on.” I didn’t say anything, because he had moved on.

“Also, he danced. I’ve never seen him like that. I’ve never seen him loose his cool”

Before she could explain why that was important, Mikasa and Armin came in. I looked at Mikasas face for bruises but she didn’t have any.

“Thank God You’re O…”

“How dare you get into a fight Eren Jeager?” Mikasa was angry and Hanji took it as a signal to leave.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking clearly!” I actually was very sorry for the situation.

“You damn well weren’t! Thank God Levi and I stopped him.” I’ve never seen her that mad before.

“What Levi stopped him?” Hanji hadn’t told me that.

“Well Yeah, you were perhaps already passed out?!” I took a minute to let that sink in.

“That doesn’t matter right know” although I really wanted to know more about that “What happened to you? Did you get arrested, are you going to pay any money?”

“No, I’m not and neither are you, because Reiner and Sasha decided not to file a complaint against you. What the hell were you thinking?”

“You really acted like an idiot, Eren” It was Armin and he meant it

“I’m sorry” I really was, they could see it because they sat down on each side of me both giving me a hug.

They stayed for some time, talking about what the nurse had said and about Levi who had helped Mikasa beat up Reiner. Poor Reiner, it wasn’t really his fault and I felt bad that I had provoked him into the fight and then let my friends finish it.

After an hour of talking, they had to go. They had barely even left the room before it knocked again. I looked around the room looking for something, they could have forgotten, but didn’t see it. I said come in and was surprised to see Levi come in.

“Hanji told me where you were, hope that’s okay” I nodded, my feelings mixed.

“I just wanted to see if you were still alive, is all” He was too casual for Levi. Was he nervous?

He sat down in the chair Hanji had used.

“I” he tried “I’m sorry I ditched you”

Whoa that was a surprise. I thought about how Hanji had told me that she never had seen him lose his cool. This was definitely losing his cool.

“Yeah that was kind of mean. Since you’re the one who suggested that something could happen” I hoped I looked just as angry as I had felt since then.

“I know, I just didn’t want you to think there could be more between us than casual sex”

“I didn’t expect that. Hanji had told me you were all about that”

“She did what? When?”

“Practically a few hours before you decided that _I_ didn’t want that.” I sounded really angry. He didn’t know that. Finally something had caught him off guard.

“Look, Levi, I knew that . I’m new to all this stuff, you were there, so I thought I might as well learn from you. I’ve never expected us to be anything other than casual.”

Even though I might have thought about being more than casual once or twice, I never expected it to happen.  

I took a short pause to gather my thoughts.

“I hadn’t even decided I wanted to be casual before the moment I asked you” A strange expression crossed his face “You never gave any suggestions to other than that, you were pretty clear in your intentions.”

“I’m sorry” he said again

“Will you stop always being sorry? You’re either trying to make passes at me or apologizing. What’s wrong with you?”

“I don’t know. I’m a freak” he stood up and walked towards the door

“That wasn’t what I meant. Why can’t you be normal with me?” I was still a little upset, but not as much as before. His expression made me want to make everything okay for him.

He looked back at me

“What if I don’t know what normal is?”

“I’ll show you?” I suggested, without knowing what the hell I was saying.  

“You’d do that?” he smiled a little

“Yeah, if you’re not being a dick all the time”

“What about some of the time?”

“Sure, whatever.”

He walked back to the chair.

I remember that Mikasa had said Levi had jumped into the fight.

“Thank you for helping me out of a fight… again” I meant it

“No problem” He still hadn’t gotten his cool on again.

Then I remembered Hanjis mistake, had Levi been pulled down to the station too? If he had, he must have met Erwin.

“Levi? Did they take you to the station too?”

His expression hardened like last time I had asked. “That. Is the only thing I won’t talk about”

I nodded, accepted that he didn’t want to talk about, but also decided that I’ll make him tell me sometime.

For the first time in a while I looked into his eyes. The storm was still there, just as beautiful as it always was. I thought of the first time we met, how he’d suggested that I wanted to either murder or sleep with him. The past few months surely indicated some of both. I smiled at the thought, and flinched; my split lip opened up and I started to bleed again.

Levi saw it and went over to get some tissue.

He sat on the bed and dabbed the blood away. He was close, I was still a little mad, but he smelled so good. I took a deep breath so I could smell him; he looked up and smirked at me. Busted.

I thought what the hell, I might as well try again. I leaned closer to him and kissed him, didn’t care about the lip or the fact that he would be bloody too. He kissed back and the pain in the lip made it more intense.

“Still want me to teach you some tricks?” He was looking cocky and sexy as fuck.

I nodded “Only casual though” I smiled, saying it hurt my chest just a little.

The same strange expression crossed his face, but was gone quicker than I could comment on it. He smiled and got off the bed to get the remote for the bed. He pressed the button that make the bed lay down.

It went down really slow

“Sorry, this isn’t very sexy, but I need you to lie down” I laughed nervously because the bed moved really slow and I didn’t know what was about to happen.

When the bed was down, he got on top of me. Kissed me, just as passionately as the first time we had kissed.

He stopped only to ask “Does it hurt?”

“A little, but don’t think about it”

And he didn’t. After a while I realized I liked when it hurt a little, I smiled at that, because that was something I never thought I would think.

He lied on top of me, my legs was spread to the side, so he could lie between them. He kissed and touched me, while he made small moves with his hip.

I sighed, loved it and hoped the nurse didn’t come back.

Levi went lower, unbuttoned the ugly hospital clothe I was wearing. I looked down and saw I at least still was wearing my own underwear.

I brought my hands up to Levis head and drove my hands through his hair. It was soft and just long enough to fall into his eyes when he looked down. I caressed his hair as he kissed my entire body.

He proceeded to go lower and lower until he got to elastic of my boxers. He smiled a devilish smile before he kissed my cock through them.

“ohh” I hoped it wasn’t too loud

He sat up on his knees slid his fingers under my boxers and pulled them down. I was completely naked, in a hospital bed with Levi looking down on me. The mere thought made me quiver with eagerness for him to touch me.

The fact that we could be found out at any moment, made my heart pound a little more.

Levi lied down on me again, covering my body with his and kissing me. He sucked on my neck and I’m sure I’ll get a hickey there.

“It’s not too much?” He asked looking down on me. I shook my head uncertain of what you’re supposed to say in a situation like this.

He moved position, so he no longer lied between my legs, but beside me, still looking at me.

He put his hand down to my dick, which unsurprisingly was stiff as a stick, slowly and lightly touching it, just so much that I could feel it. Not enough to bring any sort of pleasure. He teased me again, making me want more.

“Levi” I couldn’t take it, I wanted him to touch me so bad.

“Let me hear you beg, brat” his own breathe was getting heavy

“Levi, please… Please touch me ohh”

I closed my eyes allowing myself to only feel him. He did as I asked and took it in his hands, moved his hands up and down while whispering stuff in my ear.

“You like that?”

“You want me to put my cock in you?”

My eyes were still close, I just nodded and tried to breathe. I opened them again, when Levi stopped stroking my cock. I was about to reach climax when he did.

I looked up at him and, he was just a few inches from my face. I reached down to feel him, to return the favor but he just shook his head and “Today is about you”

He held two fingers up.

“Suck on them” he ordered and put the fingers in my mouth.

When they were really wet he took them out and I thought he would finish the handjob, but instead he brought his hand further.

Down between my legs and started massaging my asshole. One of the fingers was slit gently in and out a few times before it went all the way in.

“oahhh” it was amazing, not like the time I tried it myself.

Levi continued making small movement with his finger, until he thought I was loose enough to slit in a second finger. He didn’t touch me anywhere else, but the pleasure was still so intense.

I took my pillow and put it over my head, trying to muffle the screams of pleasure I let out. I came when Levi grabbed my penis and pointed it upwards, so I could come on my belly.

He pulled himself free of me and went over to the sink to clean his fingers and get some tissues. I just lied exhausted on the bed and tried to get my breathing under control.

He sat beside the bed and reached down to wipe the cum of me.

“You’re definitely a bottom!” Levi said with a grin and I had to agree. That was the best thing I’ve ever felt.

I sat up and felt a little sore, put on my pants and the hospital clothe while Levi sat back in the chair.

“I thought you were going to fuck me” I said, looking at him. “With your cock” I explained

“I’m trying to teach you some tricks kid, not fucking destroy you” he laughed

“Not yet at least” he managed to utter just before the nurse came in, made some checkup and told me that I was okay to leave.

 


	11. Chapter 11

“You did what?” Mikasa shrieked

Armin laughed and high fived me as he said “Way to go man!”

“Keep it down Mikasa, mom and dad are down stairs!” I told her in a whisper.

We were gathered in my room, it was 3 days since I had been to the hospital. I had decided to keep my adventure to myself just for a while, but now I was telling them how Levi had come to visit and what had happened. Armin wanted every detail, which I gave him, of course.

“Anyways, I didn’t think you were against me being gay?” I was a little hurt; her attitude told me she wasn’t happy about something.

“God Eren, It’s not that. You’re such an Idiot. But of all places, why the hell in the hospital? Couldn’t you just have waited? You could have gone home with him or at least taken him home with you! What if you had been caught?”

“But we didn’t Mikasa!” I grinned at her “Stop acting so holy, I know you and Jean haven’t considered that _you guys_ could ever be caught! Which I remember doing quite a lot actually”

That shut her up

“I’m going to be stupid and ask again” Armin said “are Levi your boyfriend _now?_ ”

Both him and Mikasa looked at me eager to hear the answer.

“No, we’re not. Levi’s not into that. He likes it casual”

“But are you into that? I could have sworn that you liked him more than just casual!” Armin stated

“I… I don’t know. It’s fine, really. I knew from the start that that was where it was headed. I’m not sure if I like him more than that. I don’t think I do”

Armin and Mikasa looked at each other and weren’t convinced. I wasn’t either, but I rolled my eyes at them.

“Fine Eren, but if he hurts you in any way: Armin and I are going to kick his fucking ass” Her face was twisted in darkness, which only could be her imagining kicking Levi’s ass. Armin looked determined and nodded as though it was important for me to know that they were there.

“Thanks guys, but I don’t think that’ll be necessary”

“By the way, Sasha talked to me during English” I looked out the window, it wasn’t really important, but they would probably like to know anyway.

“What did she want?”

“Talk and apologize”

They nodded, neither of them was particularly happy with Sasha at the moment. They couldn’t forgive her for ending things with me that way, not that I was forgiving at all. But I hadn’t loved her at all, so I was partly guilty in it not working out.

“She told me, Reiner broke his nose in the fight. He didn’t know who did it. I hope it was me…She told me that they had talked and that I deserved an apology. Can you guys believe it? It wasn’t even a decision on her part; it was a joint decision between them. Jesus fucking Christ, they’re so lame.”

That we could all agree on.

It’s been over 2 weeks since Levi and I made up. It’s great; we called each other a lot. Sometimes we would just hang out, but other times we would take things to another level. We still hadn’t had sex, Levi said I needed to get used to using my ass.

We were supposed to go out tonight. I found myself thinking that we’d been going out to party a lot this year. We usually either were at Jeans house or Mikasa and mines, but today Connie had asked if we would come over to him. We were all there: Jean, Mikasa, Armin, Christa, Me, Levi, Jeans friends, Annie and Marco. We were a large group, larger than we normally was. But I thought the more the merrier.

Levi had refused to dance with me again, which was okay since I couldn’t expect my booty call to do things like dance with me. That would look a little too much like a relationship.

Hanji was behind the bar again and she smiled at all of us as we entered. The cool thing with knowing the bartender was that you either got free drinks or at least got cut a bit of the prize.

I was in a good mood; I haven’t been feeling this good in months.

I was running around the club with Mikasa screaming on my back.

“Out of the way people, we’re winning” she yelled at the people in front of us.

Jean said he could run faster to the basement of the club and up again with a person on the back. I told him I could do it better. I hurried to ask Mikasa and she felt that a little competition between her and Jean was healthy.  

Jean somehow had managed to force Armin on his back. Armin didn’t look pleased.

“Put me down Jean, I’m not into this! Arghh” Armin said trying to escape, but Jean managed to hold fast onto him and eventually he gave in and laughed.

That’s why we now raced to the club, while all of our friends cheered on us.

Jean and Armin were just behind us. We were running down the stairs when Jean made and insane jump from half way up and all the way down. It startled me so I briefly stopped up.

“What the hell Jean, we could have died” Armin yelled from the bottom of the stairs

Jean was fast, he was already on the way up again and I pulled myself together and ran all the way down to get up again.

We lost. Why do I always lose these bets? I swallowed remembering what the loser had to do. The loser had to give a lap dance. Before we raced, we had decided for each other, who would have the pleasure of a lap dance.

“Fuck” I heard Mikasa whisper “I’d looked forward to that lap dance” she frowned a little. I had chosen that Mikasa would get a lap dance from Jean if he had lost. Jean had chosen none other than Levi.

I swallowed, it wasn’t that I didn’t want to touch and rub myself against Levi, but in public? Urgh, no thanks. Why was I always so certain of myself when I come to stupid bets?

Jean had gotten a chair and put out in the open. Levi sat on it with a stupid smirk on his face. I don’t get why Levi agreed to this. Oh God.

That guy just loved seeing me in agony.

“Come on Eren, Dance for me”

The only ones who actually knew that Levi and I was doing it…or some of it, was Armin, Mikasa and Jean. The others just thought it was hilarious that Jean had chosen Levi.

“Fuck off, bastard” I mumbled as I tried to find the rhythm and took a deep breath. I have never done a lap dance my whole life, I haven’t even received a lap dance in my whole life, so I probably looked like a dying monkey as I twisted around Levi to the beat.

I looked up on the crowd; there were even people I didn’t know there. Shit. At least no one was filming it with their phones.

I decided to try to be as sexy as possible, if I could at least give him a boner, then this wouldn’t be all wasted.

I stood in front of him, bending over, so he could get a good look at my ass. I got up and walked to the back of his chair, touching his chin bones lightly from behind.

“Do you want me right now Levi?” I breathed in his ear

I tried some more moves before I looked up, not many were laughing anymore, just looking. Curious I guess. I decided I didn’t give a fuck about the crowd. They probably know that I was gay by now anyway.

I sat down on his lap, slowly. Looked him into his eyes, they were no longer playful, but very serious. I lowered my head and kissed him right under the ear, lingering there for a moment. For the first time, it was me who got to play with him.

I looked back up and he smirked, opened his mouth and whispered to me “I’m not one to show my true face public, but what the hell”

He kissed me hard. I liked it, people were still watching. It was an intense kiss, it was breathtaking.

We broke apart after a while and he said “When today is over, you’re going home with me!” lust dripping from his voice.

Then he began to laugh, looking out to the crowd.

I stood up, walked over to Jean and said really loudly “There. You got your lap dance, just tell me if you want one too” I blinked at him and laughed. The crowd laughed too. I’ve never felt so triumphant in my life. People thought it was cool that I went all the way, just so Jean shouldn’t have the satisfaction to see me feel embarrassed. I didn’t want to tell them that that hadn’t been my drive, but the guy I gave a lap dance to was.

We wanted to stay until the party died, but I couldn’t hold it. I was too horny, I really just wanted him. We managed to say goodbye and sneak off without anyone suspecting anything.

We practically ran more than we walked to Levi’s apartment, only to stop a few times on the way to kiss. When we got in the building, Levi picked me up and I swung my legs around his waist.

We made the way into his bedroom. He practically threw me on his bed and himself on top of me.

We ripped our clothes of, threw it somewhere in the room.

“ngh… ahh” I couldn’t stop myself I was so tense that every little touch made me do little sounds of pleasure.

“Oh God Eren, it’s so fucking hot when you make sounds” Levi managed to say as we kissed. My hands was everywhere on his body and his on mine.

“Moan for me! Be as fucking loud as you can” a command I followed right away.

“Ohhh, ohhh, hngg”

I threw him over, so I was on top. He wasn’t prepared, which is why I succeeded in doing so.

I went down on him, both sucked and touched him. Showing him I could do all the things he had taught me. After a while he groaned and came, I swallowed it all and it taste as salt as the first time.

“Fucking God Eren!” he got up and threw me back on the bed “You’ve been a bad boy. You didn’t have permission to do that. I need to punish you. Stay”

He walked out the room so I could get a good look at his fantastic butt.

When he came back he blindfolded me and tied me to the bed.

He proceeded to kiss and touch me. When you don’t have the ability to see, it all seems more intense, better in a way. Levi started to suck my rock hard cock, but stopped just as I was about to come. That was my punishment; he didn’t allow me to come.

I could barely breathe, because the pleasure felt so powerful. After a few stops, he let me cum, he swallowed it all.

Before I knew it, some fingers were put in my mouth. I couldn’t count them, it felt like many. I knew the procedure so I started sucking on them.

“You’re such an eager little brat, aren’t you?” Levi breathed, it sounds like he was jerking of. I reached out for him and manage to find his dick. While still sucking on his fingers I tried to give him a handjob. He placed his own hand on mine and we both let our hands up and down his cock. He came right on my shoulder.

I think I heard him mumble “tsk. What a mess”, but I’m not sure.

He removed himself from me.

I felt that he put a finger in my ass, moved it around a bit before entering another. He was so good; he found the prostate every time. I could feel that he had found it this time too.

“You like it when it hurt a little, right?” His voice was a low rumble. I nodded, waiting to see what he had in mind.

He slipped another finger in my ass. I let out a “AaahhOUCHhhaa”. It hurt, in a wonderful way. 3 fingers, that’s more than he had ever put in me before.

He started to stimulate the prostate again, this times the pleasure was bigger. After some time I came for the second time that night.

He untied me and we just lay there, while we were catching out breathe.

I looked at him. Those eyes, I would never be tired of looking into them. _I Love you Levi_.

What was that? I looked at him nervous that he had seen the thought on my face. I hurried up and gathered my clothe.

“You leaving already?” he sounded a little disappointed

“Yeah, that’s the point of casual, right?” I said more to me than to him. I gave him a quick goodbye kiss, before I hurried home. That was not supposed to happen. You shitface Eren. Damn idiot.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a rather hard Chapter to write. It's a little dark. Now you're warned! Enjoy

After I came home I locked myself in my room and stayed there all day, only to leave when there was dinner or bathroom breaks.

What had I thought? I wasn’t supposed to love Levi. It was just a mistake; I hadn’t meant to actually think that. It was in the heat of the moment.

After a troubled day I finally fell asleep. I got to sleep for 3 hours, before my phone rang. The first time I cancelled; I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone. But after the third or fourth call I got up.

Levi’s number. I allowed myself to get angry. It’s not so long ago we’d been together, if he booty calls me now, he’s an idiot.

“What is it? It’s in the middle of the night, I’m trying to sleep?”  

“Eren? It’s Hanji. What the hell did you do to him?”

“Eh? What do you mean?” I muttered, confused.

“If you’ve done anything to him, I swear to God. I’m going to kill you” She sounded really angry.

“Explain to me, what’s happening? Is he okay? Is he hurt?” I was getting worried. What happened to him?

“He is not okay. That’s why I’m calling you, idiot. From the looks of it; yes he is hurt!” There was a tremble in her voice as though she held back tears. “I’m working and he came in earlier. He’s really drunk by now. He is yelling at people, acting like a total jerk. It’s not like him” She sobbed a little on the other side.

I could hear distant scream in her end of the phone and wondered if that was Levi going insane.

“I didn’t do anything. I’ll swear. He seemed fine, when I left earlier today.”

“When did you leave?”

“Don’t know the exact time, but after we were done with you know” I explained, flushing a little.

“You left after that? God you’re oblivious.” She took a deep breathe “Can you come down here? He won’t listen to me, he might listen to you.”

“Just give me a sec.”

If Levi really was going crazy on the club, then I don’t have the time to walk. I knocked on Mikasas door and went in.

Worst mistake ever.

“Shit Eren. You just don’t walk in, in the middle of the night” Yelled Jean, to my horror.

I had forgotten that Jean was staying over tonight. He was sitting on the bed and Mikasa on knees in front of him. Ew ew ew. I smacked my hands in front of my face so I no longer could see my naked sister and her equally naked boyfriend.

“Sorry! It’s important. I need a ride.”

“Fucking asshole. How can you just come in here and ask such a stupid ass question. We have things to do, so unless you want to watch I suggest you get out of here” Mikasa was pissed. Understandable, if I had been giving Levi a blowjob and Mikasa walked in, I would be too.  

“Again, I’m so so so sorry! But Hanji just called, Levi is freaking out at the club. She wanted me to come. She can’t get him to see sense. Please?”

“Fine. Get out of here, so we can get dressed. I’ll take you to your boyfriend” She sneered.

“He is not my…” I began, but stopped because I didn’t have time to discuss that. Instead I said “Thanks” and walked out to the car. Five minutes and they were there, both looking slightly annoyed.

I got in the back of the car.

“Are we supposed to stay and wait until you’re done? Or can we leave and get back to business?”

“It’s your own choice…” I said, more concerned about Levi than me not having a ride home.

When we arrived to the club there was a ruckus outside.  Levi was kicking the fence, which indicated how much area the club owned. Hanji was standing trying to calm him down, but like she had said, he didn’t listen. I jumped out the car and ran towards her, as a got closer to her she turned around.

“Thank God. Do something”

Mikasa and Jean, who probably had thought that I exaggerated to get them to drive me, also came running towards the scene.

I tried, walking towards him.

“Levi” I tried, to get his attention. He didn’t listen. So I tired some more times until I yelled “LEVI!”

He turned around, eyes swimming. He tried to focus on me, and then his face split in a smile, that was both beautiful and scary.

He walked towards me and like the first time he had challenged me, he grabbed my arm, yanked me back and pinned me against the fence.

I let out a shocked “Oh” as I slammed against the fence.

Without any warning he leaned forward and kissed me. Not a pleasant kiss, a kiss that hurt. I could feel all his hurt in the kiss. It was a possessive kiss, a kiss that asked me; how could you do that? The problem with that is that I had no idea what I had done wrong.

His hands were clutching my arms as he kissed me. I tried to push him away, so I could speak with him, but he didn’t let go. When he finally stopped kissing me, he looked at me and with a blurred voice said “That’s what you want, isn’t it?”

“Levi, I… I” I tried to talk to him, but didn’t know what I was going to say to him

”Levi, talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong” I tried, hoping he would hear the pleading in my voice. He didn’t, he was to drunk.

“Fuck you Eren! You’re just like him!” He slammed his hand against the fence.

“What? Like Who? Levi I don’t understand” I was getting really worried, he had completely lost himself.      

I’m glad, that Hanji had managed to keep as many people away from the scene as possible. Levi would hate that people had seen him this angry, this lost. Only a few stood around us, most of them were friends, worried friends.

That was one reason why I was glad that there wasn’t that many people the other was that as soon as the words left my mouth, Levi started to cry. Uncontrollable sobs, which shook his entire body. He leaned against me, cried on my shoulder.

Hanji and Jean came over, now that he no longer was about to hit the first person nearing him. 

“Levi, come on honey.” Hanji took one hand around her neck and Jean took the other and carried him inside. They took him into a room; I’ve never been to before. There was a bed, for some reason.

“It’s for the ones who pass out. If we can’t get hold of someone they know they can sleep it off in here.” Hanji explained flatly, she was not her usual self. 

They put him down, he still cried.

I was shocked; I’ve never seen Levi like that. To think that it was my fault, made my own eyes water up.

I cleared my throat and asked “Can I talk to him alone?”

The others looked concerned at me and thereafter on Levi, before deciding that they’d better leave us alone to talk.

I sat on the bed and Levi lifted his hands up to me, like a child and grabbed my shirt, pulled me down beside him. Hugging me: crying. I did nothing at first, just lay beside him. Then I hugged again, and stroke his back, padding it. I couldn’t say anything, because I didn’t know anything. I had to take some deep breathes because I was about to cry a couple of times.

As time passed, he calmed down and sat up. He leaned against the wall and I sat beside him, unsure if I was allowed to touch him now that he had calmed.

“I’m sorry Eren” He almost whispered

“There you go, apologizing again.” I tried to smile, but it became more of a grimace, but he looked down at me appreciating that I wasn’t mad at him.

“Why don’t you tell me what I did wrong?” I asked him, hesitatingly. I wondered what he had meant when he said I was just like him.

“That’s why I’m apologizing. You didn’t do anything wrong. I did, and I’m just stupid for not telling you where I’m from. I’m sorry that I kissed you before, I… I shouldn’t have forced myself on you. I could feel you didn’t like it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for comparing you to _him_. You’re not like him at all, you’re so much better and it hurts that I can’t have you”

“What do you mean, who’s he? You already he have me, just like you want” I said, not understanding what he’s trying to say.

His mouth trembled and I feared that he might begin to cry again. But to my relief: he didn’t. I leaned in to him, took his hand in mine.

“No, Eren. I don’t have you. I should have explained this to you from the start. I feel so bad for all the things I’ve done to you. You probably be better off without me”

“Hell no Levi, you’re not ditching me again” I felt the anger rise in me.

He shook his head.

“No, I’m not, but if you want to ditch me when I’m finished explaining myself, then I understand.” He looked at me to show me he meant it, the decision was mine to make. He cleared his throat and looked up to the ceiling, before speaking

“Where to start? Uhm. When I was fourteen I realized I was gay. It happened because of a guy I lived next to. He was many years older than me; I’ve never spoken with him. I wasn’t allowed to, my parents didn’t like him. But I would always look at him through my window, and to be honest, he was a God. That’s how good he looked. I’ve watched him whenever he was outside for years, without realizing why. When I _did_ realize why, I talked to my sister. She and I were close. We talked about everything basically. But she wasn’t as open as Mikasa was to you” He looked at me with the saddest eyes. ”She hated the fact that I liked guys and she told my parents, what I in sheer trust had told her. In the start they would say it was a phase, put me into tests to see if I would somehow turn on looking at girls. I didn’t. They gave up on me when they couldn’t get the gay out of me. It was a few days after my fifteen years birthday.” Deep breathe “They threw me out. I was devastated, my entire life was ruined. I couldn’t stand living in their city so I came to another one. I walked there. I didn’t have money or anything. I was sleeping in an alley, behind what turned out to ironically be a gay bar. I didn’t know at the time. That’s where I met him. Erwin: the police guy. I should have told you back then, but I was scared. He took me home, fed me, talked to me and cared for me. I was fifteen he was twenty-eight. He became my first boyfriend”

“But Hanji, said you never had one” I was surprised

“Yeah. She told me. She didn’t want to tell my story for me. It was easier for her to say I’d never had a boyfriend than to explain that I didn’t want a boyfriend, because of what he did to me.” His lip quivered. I don’t think he ever told anyone this story before, except for Hanji perhaps.

“Don’t interrupt me. I will lose confidence in my story.” He looked so vulnerable and I just nodded.

“In the start it was amazing. I felt accepted, I felt like I belonged. Whenever he held me I could forget what my family had done. He was my first kiss and the one I lost my virginity to. He was so careful, always taking it slow for me, always asking if I was hurt, but shortly after he changed. He started to force me into stuff I didn’t want. He raped me on several occasions. He would leave me bleeding and crying. If I did something wrong he would beat me. After weeks of this, he one day came into our shared room. I thought he was going to take me again, but instead he gave me a small bag and asked me to deliver it at an address and collect the money. First I didn’t know what it was and I was too scared to check. After some deliveries I did learn it was drugs though. Erwin would confiscate it on patrols and then sell it himself. I was so miserable. One day I decided to try whatever was in the back. It was the best high; I forgot everything. Where Erwin once had been there to hold me, drugs now did. When he found out, he beat me. The worst beating I’ve ever taken. But I kept taking it; he lost money because of it and forced me into prostitution. So he could get his money back. I couldn’t escape. I was about ready to kill myself, when I met Hanji. She came to the gay bar, where Erwin made me find guys who would pay me for sex. I know what you’re thinking, is Hanji gay? No, she isn’t, but her moms are. She was there to see if she was gay too. It took long before I opened up to her. But she kept coming on to me, kept asking questions. You know her. When I told her what I did and why, she started to pay me. So I didn’t have to have sex with people. It was her moms’ money. One day they were there with her. I was about to flee, when they said they wanted to help me. They took me home to Erwin, gathered my few belongings. Took me to this town, got me off the drugs and enrolled me in high school. He destroyed me. I’ve never trusted anyone after him, except Hanji and her moms. That’s why I didn’t want a boyfriend ever again. I didn’t want to relive that. I was afraid that if I opened up to someone, it would only destroy me more. I didn’t know he was in this town until the moment I saw him at the station, with you. I panicked, thought he was back for me.”

“I’m sorry Levi, I didn’t know that” I was truly horrified.

“No I’m sorry. I compared you to him before. That was low of me; you never forced me to anything. I’m sorry I took it out on you tonight. I’m not mad at you at all, I’m mad at myself. Everything I’ve done to you so far has been selfish of me. Firstly pinning you like I did, and then ditching you when you got interested. You know why I did that?”   

“No. I have no idea, but it’s the past. Forget it.”

“No. I ditched you because you scared me. You made me happy. You made me want to open up to you and that scared me, so I needed to leave. Hanji was mad at me for doing so, saying I ruined my chance of something that could be real. When I told her why, she said that I wouldn’t know if I never truly tried. I wanted to tell you all this when I came to visit you at the hospital. But you said what I feared. You didn’t want me, not like I wanted you. You said that you only wanted things to be casual between us. I didn’t have the confidence to tell you then. I thought I didn’t deserve you, not with the way I treated you. Like you said back then, I’ve never giving you reason to think anything other than this being casual. I decided that I rather have you casual than not have you at all.” He looked at me, with tears in his eyes. I hadn’t expected this, I was about to open my mouth and tell him what I thought when he continued.

“This morning I lost it. The night was amazing; I had hoped to maybe have you for a little longer. But you got up almost as soon as we were done. How I hoped that you would just be there, make me happy. I’m sorry. It hurt and I wondered if the pain in the chest was worth the pleasure of my body. I thought of how I had endured that with Erwin. I got angry, because I couldn’t have you the way I wanted. I realize now it’s my own entire fault. You can leave me now, if that what you wanted” he ended his story.

“No, we’re both at fault. I didn’t listen to myself either.  It’s all a mistake. I didn’t want things to be casual, I wanted you. But I thought you didn’t want me. I’m sorry; I left so soon this morning, because I didn’t want to tempt myself into saying something stupid: something that would ruin things.” I looked at him, happy I finally could say it out loud. Realizing that I did not only think I loved him, I actually loved him with all my being.

His eyes were still teary; I leaned in and wiped one away from his cheek. Let my hand stay a minute, before I kissed him.

“You can have me any way you want” I whispered when we broke apart.

We sat in silence for a while and just hugged, enjoyed being close to each other.

It knocked on the door. Hanji came in; she smiled when she saw us tangled together in a hug.

“We’re closing now, do you want to stay here or do you want me to drive you home?”

I looked at Levi; he could decide what he wanted. For me anywhere was okay as long as he was there.

“Can you drive us home to me?” He asked, his voice a little hoarse

“Sure. Eren, Mikasa and Jean went home; she said you could call whenever you wanted home.”

I nodded.

“Can you give us a minute, Eren?”

I walked out to the now empty club. They talked for around fifteen minutes and when they came out, Levi was smiling a little more.  


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last Chapter in the series. Hop you liked it! I know i enjoyed writing it :)

Levi fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillows. I crawled in beside him and held him, I couldn’t sleep. I spent most of the night watching him, his mouth slightly open. He was cute when he was asleep, he didn’t have the same aura around him. He was peaceful.

I didn’t think I would sleep at all, but I managed to fall asleep anyway. I woke up because Levi moved. He was awake, looking at me both like he couldn’t believe I was right there and like someone handed him the moon. It made me blush. The clock was almost said 3, it was Sunday and I had school tomorrow.

“Morning” I stammered

“You stayed?” He smiled

“Of course! I wanted to make sure you were okay. I was worried, you know” I looked away; it was a little embarrassing to say.

“Thanks” He kissed me got up and said” You want some coffee?”

I watched him as he made it.

“Thanks for listening to all that word vomit last night. Thanks for not leaving me” he said and handed me my cup.

“Could never dream of it. Can I ask you something” I asked shyly

He slipped back into the bed, kissed me on my cheek and said “I’ve decided that I will be completely honest with you. You can ask me anything and I’ll answer it”

“Thanks” smiling at him, letting him know I was happy that he trusted me “Uhm, okay. So is Erwin the reason you didn’t want to become a cop?”

He looked distant for a second, took his time to think.

“Guess you can say that. When I first got to know him, he was everything I wanted to be. When he changed, I did too. I was afraid that if I tried to follow my dreams, then they would ruin me and worst of all I was afraid turning out to be just like him, so I gave up on that dream. Sadly it wasn’t me being a cop that made me like him, it was the way I treated, not only you, but every fling I had had since him”

He looked sorrowful.

“You’re not like him. You’re so much better! You care, he didn’t. You might have teased me, taunted me. But I liked that. No matter what you think about yourself you’re not him and you shouldn’t let that stop you from doing what you want. Because you still want to be a cop right? That’s why you’re not really doing anything with your life. That’s why you go from job to job, which you don’t really like. You can’t let go of that dream, but you’re still afraid, because of him. Don’t be afraid, I’m here for you”

“Thanks” Teary eyes again. Oh no, I’d made him cry again. He hugged me and looked me into the eyes. I understood the storm in them a little more now, they were intriguing.

“One more question. What happened when he pulled you down to the station after you’d helped me in the fight against Reiner?”

His face hardened, his shoulders tensed and I almost expected him to say that he didn’t want to talk about it. But he looked away and dropped his shoulders.

“We were all taking into a room and had to explain what had happened. When we were done he took me aside. I couldn’t not go with him; he’s a cop, authority. So I followed him in a room. He made me sit on a chair, handcuffed one of my hands to it. Said something about me not allowed leaving him and he was there to punish me. He punched me some times in my stomach. Kicked me in the balls. Then forced my pants off. He. He started to suck me, biting me. Hurting me”

“HE DID WHAT?” I was on my feet, fist clenched.

“What the hell is wrong with that man?! I’m going to fucking kill him”

I looked at Levi, he looked shocked.

“What you don’t think I will do it? I will murder him, I don’t even care. Even if he’d been the fucking president. He abused you, ruined you! He has no right”

“Eren” he stood up and walked over to me, put his arms around my wait and pulled me into him.

“I’m flattered that you’d do that. But he’s not worth it. He’s the past. I don’t care anymore. You’re what I care about now. Beside I’m no longer a skinny lanky fifteen years old. He forgot that. He only handcuffed one hand. When he began sucking me, I tore his head away from me, I punched him. He hopefully got a black eye. I kicked him and forced him to un-cuff me. I left, but not without telling him some truths and pay him back with some punches” he grinned, proud of himself for standing up.

I let myself come closer to him, hid my head in the spot between the neck and the shoulders.

“You know what, brat? I think it’s about time I’ll take you on a date!”

“You… You don’t have to” I said, suddenly pink in the head.

“I know, but I want to. I’ll need a shower first, though. You want one too?”

“Okay, I’ll just take one when you’re done” I considered taking one with him, but considering we were about to go on a date, it seemed weird.

After we both showered we got into his car. I was extremely nervous.

He took me out for dinner at his work. It was a surprisingly nice restaurant, his coworker, Petra, gave us a table far back, so we were almost alone.

After the dinner, we went to a walk: holding hands. Not caring about the looks people gave us. I had fun and I’ve never seen Levi so relaxed. He smiled and laughed. It was nice to both hear and see.

On our way home he seemed nervous once again.

“What’s wrong?” I asked

“You want me to drive you home?” I heard the hidden meaning there: ‘Do you want to come home with me?’

“Let us just go to your place” I smiled at him. I was so happy.

We sat nervously on the couch, not saying anything. Neither of us knew what to do and neither of us had ever been on a date or knew what was expected when the date was over.

We looked at each other and suddenly we were laughing our ass of. Laughing the nervousness away.

Levi leaned into me, like the laughing had told him what to do. He took my head in his hands and kissed me deeply.

“You know” Looking me into the eyes “This takes a lot of me to say. But I think I’m ready… I Love you Eren” Never have I seen Levi so red in the head. But he was. His hands, still on my cheeks, shaking a little.

“I Love you too Levi” Looking back into the storm, meaning it and being equally as red as him.

“I like when you call me Eren. You don’t do it that often, so it feels special when you do” I told him, blushing even more, if it was possible.

“It’s because it is special, brat” He said grinning.

We both laughed a little again.

“You wanna go to my room?” He suggested with an intense look at me. I got up, took his hand in mine and started walking towards his room. Before we got far, he swept me of my feet, and carried my bridal style to the bed. I was only slightly self-conscious about the fact that he lifted me like I was a girl.

We kissed and touched each other like so many other times before that. But it still felt different; better than it had ever been.

I took off his shirt and gasped: the sight of him. His body was perfect. It went slower than ever before. We took our time, really getting to know each others bodies. Loving every moment.

When we both were naked, it started to get faster. I took his cock in my hands, hand he took mine in his. Doing it together.

I breathed in and out with every stroke. As I was breathing, Levi leaned closer, kissed my cheekbone, licked my lips and kissed me.

“Ohh, yeah. Levi” I breathed out.

“Eren, God. You’re so sexy” he answered back.

He moved and got down between my legs. His tongue playing with my dick. It was unbelievable.

He licked the bottom of my cock and played with my balls. Then he started to use his hands again. Taking his fingers in his mouth, licking them, sucking on them. It was hot, he looked so good. His head slightly flushed.

He proceeded to massage my butt: sliding, 1, 2 and 3 fingers in again.

I moaned. This was what I wanted. I wanted Levi and I wanted him to make me feel good and this was good. I grabbed the sheet with both my hands and clenched my fists around it.

I looked up at him. My breath so heavy it was a surprise I didn’t pass out.

“Do you want me to put it in? Is it okay?” he asked carefully.

“Yes, I’m ready”

He leaned forward over to the bedside table, opened a drawer and took out some Vaseline.

He put some on his dick and some fingers, and started to massage me again. Making me ready.

“I’m going in know Eren, just say stop if it hurts too much” I couldn’t do anything besides nodding.

Then I felt it, it was a sharp pain at first.

“Ouch” I whispered, it hurt. But Levi took it slow.

I squirmed under him, while he slowly pressed himself further up in me.

I’ve never imagined that I would lose my virginity like this. I’ve always imagined a hot girl, with killer legs, lying below me and I’m the one asking her if it hurt her. Instead I was under a hot guy, with killer abs who cared for me and who I cared for.

When he was in he asked if it was okay to move.

He trusted his hips slowly into me. He was facing me and I was happy that I was able to see his face the first time we ever had sex. As time went by, he started to trust faster and harder.

“Ohh my fucking God” he screamed

His hands where on both sides of me, he was hovering just above me. It was great; I started to stimulate my own cock on the same time as he fucked me.

“Nghh, huu ahhh”

I curved my back as I came. I came first and he, too came, shortly after me. He removed his dick from my ass. I could feel hot sperm running out.

He crawled up to me.

“That was the best sex I’ve ever had” he kissed me softly on the mouth. “You’re not hurt, are you?”

“No. I’m a little sore. But I’m happy” I said as I kissed him back. We cuddled.

“Do you want to take a shower?” During the time I’ve spent with Levi, I had learned that he was obsessive with being clean. Probably a side effect from living like he had. He probably tried to wash away all the filthy memories.

We took a shower and spent the majority of the evening cuddling and making out. It was around 10 when Mikasa called.

“Are you alright?” She asked as soon as I took it. I had totally forgotten to tell her where I was.

“Yeah, I’m at Levi’s.”

“You should come home soon. Mom and dad are asking where you are.”

“I’m sorry; I forgot to tell you”

“No worries, Hanji called when she had driven you guys home. I wasn’t worried. Otherwise I would have called sooner. You want me to come and get you?” 

“Say he needs to get his ass over here, now!” I heard Armin yell at the other end.

“Ehm” I didn’t really want to leave, but I had too. Otherwise my parents would start worry, and I did have to go to school tomorrow.

“I’ll drive you home” Levi interrupted.

“It’s fine, Mikasa. Levi’s taking me home” I said happily

“Okay, come home soon. Love you”

“Love you too. Tell Armin to shut up”

I sat in the car, saying goodbye to Levi.

“You know what, brat? It’s strange. I didn’t think I would ever love someone again and here you are” I can’t believe how much he had smiled the last couple of hours. It was unbelievable that I made him so happy.

“It is strange. I didn’t actually think I was going to love you either. But here I am, loving you” I laughed, if someone, a year ago, had told me that I would have a boyfriend now. I’d probably laughed and punched them.

“We’re each others strange love” I said, blushing because of the cheesiness of that statement.

Instead of answering, he just kissed me. I’d never get used to the way his lips feel against mine.

“Love you” I said as exited the car

“Love you too” He said as I closed the door.

When I came inside, both Mikasa and Armin was there, eager to hear what had happened.

I told them everything, Levi had giving me permission to explain why he had freaked out last night. They were both was shocked at the revelations. I told them how I stayed the night, watching him.

“So you get any action yet?” Armin said, laughing, sounding as an echo of the conversation we had almost year ago. 

“Yeah, I did” I laughed

And they both screamed and cheered, like I just had won a marathon.

“Third time’s the charm right? Which is why I’m going to ask again” Armin said “Is Levi your boyfriend _now?”_

I told them the rest of the story.

“So yes, he is my boyfriend” I said to Armin, and was proud of myself. They were so happy for me.

“So I don’t need to call a prostitute, so you can finally get it over with” Mikasa laughed. This day also reminded her of the day I’d been mad about Sasha.

She was again teasing me, making me feel even more happier than I was.

We talked some more, decided to skip school the next day. We all slept in my room and the next day we watched reruns of shitty shows, neither of us cared much for.

I loved them. I was happy that I now could add Levi to that group.

My strange love. Who would have thought?

 


End file.
